IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree.

The statement "prevention is better than cure" means it is smarter to stop problems before they happen than to fix them later. I strongly agree that governments should spend more
money
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 on preventing illnesses rather than just treating them
,
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 because it saves
money
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 and keeps
people
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 healthier in the long run.
Firstly
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, preventing
diseases
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 costs much less than treating them. Many serious health problems like heart disease and diabetes are caused by poor habits
such
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 as eating unhealthy food or not exercising. If governments teach
people
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 how to live healthier lives through school programs or public campaigns, fewer
people
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 will get sick.
For example
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, a country can save millions of dollars by encouraging exercise and healthy eating
instead
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 of spending
money
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 on expensive surgeries or medicines for obese patients.
Secondly
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, prevention helps entire communities stay healthy. Simple actions like vaccinating children, providing clean water, and teaching
people
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 to wash their hands can stop
diseases
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 from spreading. In many poor countries, spending
money
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 on clean water and vaccines has saved countless lives by preventing deadly
diseases
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 like cholera and measles. These solutions are much cheaper than treating sick
people
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 in hospitals.
However
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, we still need some
money
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 for research and treatment. Some
diseases
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, like cancer or genetic disorders, cannot always be prevented, so doctors need to find cures. But for most common health problems, prevention works better. In conclusion,
while
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 treating
diseases
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 is important, preventing them is smarter and cheaper. Governments should focus more on teaching healthy habits and providing basic healthcare to stop illnesses before they start.
This
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 way, societies can save
money
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 and have healthier, happier
people
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points of your argument. However, ensure to paraphrase the prompt a bit more creatively to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphing. To improve further, you could use a few more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Moreover', 'On the other hand') to enhance the flow between your ideas.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your main points effectively. To strengthen this further, consider integrating varied examples that include recent statistics or studies for added credibility.
task achievement
Your arguments for preventative measures are well-structured and clearly articulated, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the benefits of clean water and vaccination, effectively illustrates your points and showcases your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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