IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

felony is a significant concern for many societies, and people hold different views on how to reduce it.
While
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 some argue that imposing longer
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences is the most effective solution, others believe that alternative methods,
such
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 as education and rehabilitation, can better address the root causes of criminal behaviour.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I believe that a more comprehensive approach is necessary. Supporters of longer
prison
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 sentences claim that they act as a strong deterrent. When individuals know they will face severe consequences for their actions, they may be less likely to commit crimes.
Additionally
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, keeping dangerous criminals in jail for extended periods ensures public safety.
For instance
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, individuals convicted of violent offences are less likely to harm others if they are incarcerated for many years.
On the other hand
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, critics argue that simply increasing jail terms does not tackle the underlying reasons people commit crimes,
such
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 as poverty, lack of education, or substance abuse. They believe that investing in social programs, vocational training, and psychological support can prevent individuals—especially young people—from turning to crime in the first place.
For example
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, Norway's jail system focuses on rehabilitation and has one of the lowest reoffending rates in the world. In my view,
although
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prison
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 plays a necessary role in punishing and isolating serious offenders, it should not be the only tool used to fight crime. A balanced approach that combines fair sentencing with efforts to rehabilitate and educate offenders is more likely to lead to long-term reductions in criminal behaviour. In conclusion,
while
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 longer
prison
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 sentences may provide short-term solutions, addressing the causes of crime through prevention and rehabilitation is more effective in the long run. Governments should adopt a multi-faceted strategy that ensures both justice and social support.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are not only logically structured but also maintain a clear focus on the main ideas throughout. This will help improve the clarity and impact of your arguments.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples that connect directly to your argument to strengthen your points. This will help illustrate your ideas more vividly.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the overall range and fluency of your writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on crime reduction, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the essay's structure, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the author's opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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