IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think governments should spend money on faster means of public transport. However, others think money should be spent on other priorities (eg cost, environment). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A group of
people
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 believe that
money
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 should be spent on fast-moving vehicles.
Whereas
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, others are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 that the government should focus more on environmental development. I will discuss both views in
this
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 essay below.
However
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, in my opinion, the
people
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 who consider that
money
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 should be spent on the
environment
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 are more advantageous.
To begin
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 with, a group of
people
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 want the ministry to facilitate them with the best transport
that is
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 fast and convenient so that they can reach their destination with ease.
Due to
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 congestion, it is hard for most of the public to reach their office, school, and work on
time
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. When they spend more on
such
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 campaigns they facilitate their
people
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 so they can easily get ready at home and feel free to move from their home on
time
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.
Whereas
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 nowadays
due to
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 heavy traffic, they leave their homes in a rush without having their breakfast.
On the contrary
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, if they make fast-moving vehicles
people
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 have more
time
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 to spend quality
time
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 together. In most of the European region, they spread a chain of underground, electric trams to it help them to reach their destination at the
time
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. On the flip side, some
people
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 want the government should pay a good amount to make their surroundings neat and clean. It is a good option because when they focus on the
environment
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 the rate of respiratory disease automatically decreases and the
people
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 who are suffering from them become more relaxed.
Therefore
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, it is better to spend on the
environment
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 if the government spends more
money
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 on planting trees it will help
people
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 to live in clean surroundings and breathe more oxygen with reduced harmful effects.
For example
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,
people
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 living in northern areas where they live in an open
environment
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 where there are large numbers of trees have a positive effect on their lives and their lungs stay stronger and pollution-free as compared to the
people
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 who are living in urban areas their lungs become damaged because they inhale poisonous gases. In conclusion, it is undeniable fact that both views have their importance but in my opinion, spending
money
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 is more beneficial for
people
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 because it helps them to live longer and stay stronger without having any respiratory illness
such
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 as asthma, cough and shortness of
breathiness
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breath
show examples
.

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Introduction advice
Make sure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. The essay introduced the topic and opinion effectively, but could benefit from a more explicit statement of the main points to be discussed.
Cohesion advice
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs. While the essay uses some linking words effectively, it could benefit from a wider variety and more precise use of these connectors to enhance clarity.
Main Point advice
Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples and elaboration. The essay generally does this, but ensuring that each supporting sentence directly contributes to the main point will strengthen the argument.
Task Response advice
The essay should clearly address all parts of the task, including discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Ensure your opinion is stated clearly at the beginning and reiterated in the conclusion for greater impact.
Paragraphing advice
To improve clarity and coherence, aim to clearly separate and develop ideas in distinct paragraphs. Using a paragraph to introduce and conclude brief summaries of the argument strengthens the essay's structure.
Example advice
Integrate specific examples to support your viewpoints. While examples are present, making them more detailed and directly relevant to the argument can enhance the essay's effectiveness.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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