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Band 7.5

In many countries, people now wear Western-style dress such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #dress #suits #jeans #development
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Occidental attire
such
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 as suits and jeans have become ubiquitous and successful in replacing traditional wear over the years in many countries around the world.
This
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 is because of technological progress and globalization, allowing
people
Use synonyms
 to obtain what they desire no matter where they are.
Although
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 every transformation has its drawbacks, I believe
this
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 revolution has more merits
due to
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 the comfort and versatility that it offers. To commence, in the modern era where everyone can be connected easily using the Internet, resulting in changes in numerous habits, needless to say, including their clothing- traditional to contemporary. The vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 are subconsciously affected by the Western media where numerous Western
people
Use synonyms
 use jeans and suits in movies or music videos.
In addition
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, the global influence of some prestige brands
such
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 as Nike and Adidas, commercialized by famous individuals, succeeded in convincing their customers, relating the availability globally.
That is
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 to say, clothing is westernized through the media, persuading
people
Use synonyms
 to use occidental attire over the conservative. Despite exhibiting some negative indicators over the years, the trend has various positive effects on individuals in diverse ways. First and foremost, western clothing provides customers with more options regarding their preference and comfort
such
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 as variety, quality, price, and brand that can be considered limited options in traditional ones.
Moreover
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, to ensure a sufficient stock of these garments to consumers, many companies set up the clothing industry in different countries.
Consequently
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, it will enhance the economic system. To recapitulate, western-style clothing has become widespread and has effectively supplanted traditional attire in many countries globally. Despite any downsides associated with
such
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 transformations, I contend that
this
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 revolution brings more benefits, thanks to the comfort and versatility it provides.
Submitted by e.warikar on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the transition between ideas is smooth and logical; use connecting words and phrases to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and adequately structured, but aim to make your conclusion more impactful by restating your position strongly and summarizing key points.
coherence cohesion
Although you have supported your main points, always ensure to include specific details and examples to strengthen your arguments. Use data or real-world examples where possible.
task achievement
You've responded to the task with a clear position, but aim to completely address each part of the prompt in separate paragraphs to ensure full coverage of the question.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, work on enhancing their comprehensiveness by including a broader range of arguments and perspectives related to both the positive and negative aspects of the topic.
task achievement
Provide relevant, specific examples to substantiate your points. Try to include examples from a variety of sources, such as different cultures, countries, or personal experiences, where appropriate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural homogenization
  • western-style dress
  • traditional clothing
  • cosmopolitan
  • modernity
  • fashion preferences
  • cultural identity
  • conformity
  • practicality
  • multinational corporations
  • socio-economic factors
  • cross-cultural
  • cultural appreciation
  • diversity
  • influence
  • heritage
  • textiles
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