IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

In several countries eating too much fast
food
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 causes an increasing number of people
suffering
Change the verb form
to suffer
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 from
health
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 issues. So, governments need to raise taxes on
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
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. I completely agree and I believe increasing taxes would decrease the number of people buying fast
food
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. In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, fast
food
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 is common in our society, every corner of the city has fast
food
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 restaurants,
therefore
Linking Words
, everyone can find fast
food
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 outlets easily.
Additionally
Linking Words
, eating
junk
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food
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 cannot be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 people's
health
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, if they do not eat that kind of
food
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 too often. Yet,eating too much fast
food
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 can affect their
health
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,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, heart issues and obesity. There are tons of
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
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 citizens who choose fast
food
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,
due to
Linking Words
 the cheap price, and
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
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 is more convenient, as it does not need to be cooked. The price of
junk
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food
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 is cheaper and tastes better than vegetables and numerous fruits
,
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apply
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 because processed
food
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 has low production cost. So, escalating sales tax would be the solution,
for instance
Linking Words
, society would think twice about buying fast
food
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,
as a result
Linking Words
 of higher prices and they start buying vegetables and fruits because the prices are lower than
junk
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food
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. In conclusion, fast
food
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 is not good for our
health
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, it causes many
health
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 issues,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, heart disease and obesity.
Additionally
Linking Words
, processed foods are cheap because they have low production
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, increasing
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
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 tax
of
Change preposition
on
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junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 would decrease fast
food
Use synonyms
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows logically from one to the next. A topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify the main point you are addressing.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific studies or statistics regarding health issues caused by fast food.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, consider summarizing the key points from the body paragraphs to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic and maintained it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and a logical progression of ideas, particularly in the discussion of economic factors.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
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