Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give yourown opinion.

In recent years, there has been an ongoing argument between
people
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who believe that it is
neccessary
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necessary
to have
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competitions
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competition
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among
inviduals
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individuals
while
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others reckon that
instead
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of competing, there must be more
cooperations
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cooperation
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among us. The writer of
this
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essay will consider each
sides
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side
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and give
personal
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a personal
the personal
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opinion which supports
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competitions
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competition
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. It is important to acknowledge that
competiton
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competition
is the main motivation
of
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for
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the
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apply
show examples
development in any field.
In other words
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, thanks to competing
each
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with each
show examples
others
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other
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, many
inviduals
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individuals
achieved outstanding achievements which significantly contributed to the breakthroughs of today's products.
For example
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, Netflix, where workers frequently compete with their colleagues, has observed many
appreciate
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appreciative
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innovations for years.
Therefore
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, if
people
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want to upgrade their productivity, there should be some
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competitions
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competition
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at their workplaces.
On the other hand
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,
cooperations
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cooperation
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among
people
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may
also
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bring benefits. Simply put, there are always complicated adversities that no one can alone tackle
them
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apply
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; in these situations, calling for
helps
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help
bits of help
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is actually crucial.
For instance
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, Netflix, once again,
although
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they usually
prior
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have prior
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competitions
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at work, helping each other is encouraged in some cases not only for solving the problems easier, but
also
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making
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for making
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staffs bond with their colleagues.
Hence
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, cooperating will result in better outcomes in some circumstances. From my perspective,
people
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had better
to
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apply
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compete with others.
This
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is because competing is the primary reason that has driven many
people
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go
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to go
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to work and improve
themselve
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themselves
; in regards to cooperation, despite presenting some superiorities, it has its own undeniable weakness is that it could help some lazy
people
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exploit their peers.
As a result
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,
this
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phenomenon may lead to
the
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a
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general downgrade
of
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in
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working quality. In conclusion,
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although
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apply
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each sides show
their
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its
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own advantages, namely motivating
people
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enhance
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to enhance
show examples
themselve
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themselves
and resolving
the
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apply
show examples
problems more effectively.
However
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, I guarantee that it is still important to have
competitions
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among
inviduals
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individuals
due to
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the role which it plays,
as well as
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the limitation of cooperation.

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Language Use
Be careful with spelling and word choice (e.g., 'neccessary' should be 'necessary', 'inviduals' should be 'individuals', and 'cooperations' should be 'cooperation').
Task Response
In your introduction, it would improve clarity if you explicitly stated your opinion on competition vs. cooperation instead of only stating you have a personal opinion supporting competition.
Coherence and Cohesion
While discussing both views, try to ensure that your examples are diverse and not repetitive. Using Netflix as an example twice can make your argument seem less robust.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion should summarize your key points and reaffirm your opinion more strongly. Instead of saying 'I guarantee', you might use stronger language to assert your stance.
Task Response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides personal opinions, which is an essential requirement.
Task Response
You provide relevant examples that connect back to your points, demonstrating engagement with the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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