IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some believe that research on family history is a useful thing to do, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. give me idea what to write about

The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie chart and bar chart provide information about information: location and types
Use synonyms
dance
Change preposition
of dance
show examples
classes
Use synonyms
 in a town
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, private
studios
Use synonyms
 are more relevant for
students
Use synonyms
,
in
Linking Words
contrast
Add the comma(s)
contrast,
show examples
 college-based
studios
Use synonyms
 least popular
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 city.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 ballet stands
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular
dance
Use synonyms
 form, especially for the
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
younger
age
Use synonyms
 group. Tap and modern
dance
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 attract significant numbers of
students
Use synonyms
 across both
age
Use synonyms
 categories. A closer look at the locations reveals nearly half (48%) of the dancers attend
classes
Use synonyms
 at private
studios
Use synonyms
. School halls seem the second best option, with 24% of
students
Use synonyms
' choice. College-based
studios
Use synonyms
 host a smaller segment with 10%, and community halls
along with
Linking Words
 other locations account for the remaining 18% of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
. Turning
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 types of
classes
Use synonyms
, ballet
demostrates
Correct your spelling
demonstrates
 popularity particularly among under 11 participants with approximately 600 participants.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
11
Correct article usage
the 11
show examples
-
16 years
Replace the word
16-year-old
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 group shows less interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 ballet and
this
Linking Words
 number of participants
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 nearly twice to 300
students
Use synonyms
.
Modern
Add an article
The modern
A modern
show examples
 type of
dance
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, has more
partcipation
Correct your spelling
participation
 number in
11
Correct article usage
the 11
show examples
-16 years
age
Use synonyms
 group with nearly 520 juveniles. Tap dancing exhibits a more even distribution between the
age
Use synonyms
 groups, attracting about 450 younger
students
Use synonyms
 and slightly over 400 in the older bracket.

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task achievement
Further improve the introduction by clearly outlining what the charts illustrate instead of just stating the type of charts.
coherence and cohesion
Work on providing a concise summary in the conclusion that encapsulates the main findings without introducing new points.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen logical flow in the body paragraphs by linking the data presented with more comparative phrases to enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear overview of the data, distinguishing between different locations and types of dance classes effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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