IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some folks think that the best thing they can do in a terrible circumstance,
such
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 as an unpleasant vocation or money deficiency is acceptance, whilst others consider trying as the main key to upgrading their situations. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the latter statement.
To begin
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 with,
fear
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 is an important reason why
people
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 tend to accept a bad
situation
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.
Firstly
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, the
fear
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 of transforming a bad
situation
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 into a worse one.
In other words
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,
people
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 may be satisfied with their unsatisfactory condition because they are afraid of the consequences that changing it may bring.
For example
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, an employee who has a low salary may avoid taking the risk of running her or his business over quitting their occupation.
Secondly
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, individuals who are in shortage of money can invest their money to get some profit but the dread of losing it holds them from doing so.
For instance
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,
people
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 can invest in the stock market but the threat of markets’ fluctuation may prevent them from doing it.
Therefore
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,
fear
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 is an important criterion that affects peoples’ decisions.
However
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, there are some benefits to trying to change unfavourable conditions. Endeavoring to change a bad
situation
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 can lead to new opportunities. By taking action,
people
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 might find new chances, generate more wealth, and eventually feel more confident.
For instance
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, engineers who are working in a small company and are unsatisfied with their salary can try applying for bigger companies hoping that they will be accepted with a higher stipend.
As a result
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, it is more likely for
people
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 to confront chances that can change their
situation
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 if they keep trying. In conclusion, individuals may face
fear
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 when they are fighting with a bad
situation
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.
However
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, it is important to overcome their
fear
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 and start trying to improve their conditions. By doing so, they will enhance their chance to achieve their desirable life.

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style
In some places, there were minor inaccuracies or awkward expressions, like 'an unpleasant vocation' instead of 'an unpleasant job' or 'money deficiency' instead of 'financial difficulties.' Pay attention to using precise and natural phrasing.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. Minor adjustments can improve the flow between the points discussed.
content
Your essay meets the task requirements well, but consider adding a bit more detail or another point to deepen the discussion in at least one of the body paragraphs.
introduction
Your introduction directly addresses the essay prompt and provides a clear thesis statement.
examples
Each main point is well-supported with relevant examples, which strengthens your argument.
structure
Your essay has a clear logical structure, including an effective introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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