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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this owthweigh the disadvantages?

Some education experts argue that it is better for
children
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 to start learning an additional
language
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 at primary school rather than secondary school.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 idea and mention why I believe that its drawbacks are more significant. Undoubtedly, there are some important advantages to learning a foreign
language
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 at an early
age
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.
Firstly
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,
children
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 have a more active brain at
this
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age
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. So they can learn more easily things, including a new
language
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, than adults.
For example
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, my brother in 7 years old can learn the pronunciation of words more quickly than I in 28 years old.
Secondly
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,
children
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 have stronger memories than others.
Furthermore
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, it helps them to remember vocabularies easily. The feature which is so helpful for learning a new
language
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some significant disadvantages to learning an additional
language
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 at an early
age
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. One of the main drawbacks is disruption in the process of learning
children
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’s native
language
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. Since
,
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apply
show examples
 learning a new
language
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 needs spending a lot of time,
children
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 may not focus on two languages at the same time.
For example
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,
although
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 my brother learnt English successfully, he suffers from many problems in his native languages, especially in writing. The second disadvantage is that
children
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 are too young to choose their desired
language
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 for learning. It means that their foreign
language
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 for learning might be chosen by their parents or schools,
while
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 they might be not interested in
this
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language
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 later.
For example
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, in spite of teaching English in Iranian kindergarten,
children
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 do not pursue it usually, because it is not their desired
language
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. In conclusion, notwithstanding some advantages of teaching
children
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 a foreign
language
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 in primary schools,
such
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 as having a more active brain and stronger memory at
this
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age
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, I believe that its disadvantages like disruption of learning
children
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’s native languages and the effect of parents and schools on
children
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 choice, are more significant.

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task achievement
Enhance the introduction by more clearly stating your position and indicating the primary advantages and disadvantages you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve logical structure and guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Expand on your examples, providing more context or detail to strengthen the relevance and impact of your points.
content
You presented clear advantages and disadvantages of learning a foreign language at an early age, which is thoughtful and showcases good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical progression of ideas, particularly in how you separated the advantages and disadvantages into distinct paragraphs.
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