IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree. Beka1

A number of individuals believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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preventative
is
Verb problem
measures are
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 better than
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
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 and
treating
Correct word choice
that treating
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diseases
Use synonyms
 is too expensive for them. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because many
people
Use synonyms
 do not take care of their health ahead of time,
do
Correct word choice
and do
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 not carry out preventive measures, because of
this
Linking Words
 they may not notice a serious illness, the treatment of which will cost them a considerable amount. First and foremost, disease
prevention
Use synonyms
 can significantly reduce costs for both governments and individuals. At the same time, preventive measures
such
Linking Words
 as proper nutrition, regular physical activity, and vaccinations are much cheaper. Governments that invest in
prevention
Use synonyms
 programs can reduce the burden on hospitals and
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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 facilities, and individuals who take care of their health in advance can avoid large medical expenses.
For example
Linking Words
, treating chronic
diseases
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such
Linking Words
 as diabetes or cardiovascular disease requires constant use of expensive medications, regular check-ups, and, in some cases, complex surgeries.
In addition
Linking Words
, A healthy lifestyle and disease
prevention
Use synonyms
 allow
people
Use synonyms
 to remain active, energetic and independent for longer.
Prevention
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 reduces the likelihood of developing serious and incurable
diseases
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as cancer or stroke, which can lead to disability.
In addition
Linking Words
, preventing infectious
diseases
Use synonyms
 through vaccination protects not only the individual
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 the entire society, reducing the spread of epidemics.
Thus
Linking Words
,
prevention
Use synonyms
 helps
people
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 not only live longer
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 feel better throughout their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, regular exercise and proper nutrition help to avoid obesity, diabetes and heart problems, allowing a person to lead a full life without limitations. in
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 want to say that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 support the idea of ​​investing more money in
prevention
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 will improve the structure of life and fewer
people
Use synonyms
 will die.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your position on the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your arguments and make connections between your ideas clearer.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, and ensure that you provide details that are relevant to both the prevention measures and their impact.
idea development
The essay successfully outlines the benefits of preventive measures and their impact on reducing healthcare costs.
idea development
The use of specific health-related examples, such as diabetes and vaccinations, helps to illustrate the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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