In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

In many parts of the world, there is a tendency for life expectancy to increase. Some argue that

this

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circumstance presents issues for governments,

while

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others think that the elderly are beneficial to society.

This

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essay will argue that wisdom and experience outweigh concerns about the cost of

pensions

Use synonyms

To begin

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with, one of the lessons that

people

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can learn from the elderly is wisdom. Since persons of advanced age are considered to be wise,

people

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often ask them for advice in life.

For instance

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, families often look up to their grandparents when facing difficulties in life. Another advantage is that senior citizens already have much experience,

such

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as work experience. Many young

people

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, who are newcomers in the work industry, often make repetitive mistakes, leading them to struggle in their career paths. Avoiding

this

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can be done by asking

advice

Change preposition

for advice

show examples

from the elderly;

thus

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, they will be more conscious about making the same mistakes over and over again. The main drawback of having an elderly population is the cost of

pensions

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, often considered a

government

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burden. Some individuals might think that by giving

pensions

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to the elderly, other sectors will lack

budget

Add an article

the budget

show examples

, which makes it impossible for the

government

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to effectively execute prioritized programs.

Although

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pensions

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may require more budget, engaging the private sector can be implemented to subsidize the budget. Many insurance companies often target the elderly to invest in their companies.

Therefore

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, by collaborating with these companies, the

government

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can benefit from long-term investments, and the elderly can

also

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receive their retirement funds regularly. In conclusion, the benefits of having elderly

people

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in a society, including insights and practical knowledge, outweigh the drawbacks of pension budgets, since investments in elderly

pensions

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can bring long-term benefits to the

government

Use synonyms

christiansuhendra

May 9, 2025

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task achievement

Your ideas are clear, but you could explain them a bit more to make them stronger. Try to give more examples.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to connect your sentences and paragraphs better. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'also', and 'in conclusion' to help the reader follow your ideas.

task achievement

You presented a clear argument about benefits and drawbacks.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well structured.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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