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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people can buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In
this
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 globalized world, there is a growing tendency for people to purchase the same
goods
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, which makes nations increasingly similar to one another. I believe
this
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 is a positive development since it helps to increase capital gains and access to rare items.
Firstly
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, collaboration brings profitable relationships among
countries
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. It is often the case that these
countries
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 exchange their
goods
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 as part of an agreement through export and import activities, making their
products
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 easily enter other
countries
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 without worrying about high tariffs.
For example
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, in order to gain more money from the global market, participating in supply chain activities is inevitable.
Moreover
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,
such
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products
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 could expand their market to target international buyers;
thus
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,
countries
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 would gain more revenue from selling
products
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.
In addition
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 to profit, some rare items could become more available because of the relationships that have been built. In many developed
countries
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, people often use online marketplaces to search for
products
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 that are not available in their regions. Even though these
goods
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 are accessible, they require more money to purchase, since expedition fees are
also
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 added. Alleviating
this
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 issue can be done by implementing collaboration among many different groups of nations. Take the G20 as an example;
this
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 group enables the opportunity to provide many rare
products
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 to
countries
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 that need them; engaging in
this
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 policy could be beneficial to the citizens.
To sum up
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, there is an increasing pattern in many
countries
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 that their people purchase the same items.
This
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 brings many positive opportunities because it opens the door to raising
countries
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' income, and rare
goods
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 will be more available.

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task achievement
Consider providing a broader range of examples to illustrate how globalization leads to cultural similarity, not just economic aspects.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using more transition phrases to link your ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a more definitive conclusion that not only summarizes your points but also emphasizes your stance on whether this homogenization is ultimately positive or negative.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion that embracing globalization is beneficial, which is a strong basis for task achievement.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the G20, effectively support the main arguments regarding international cooperation and trade.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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