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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In several parts of the world, some individuals have increasingly tended to follow a vegetarian nutrition style. I think the advantages of
this
Linking Words
diet
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 outweigh its
disadvantages
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. Because it helps to reduce
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of animals and protects
people
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 from many
diseases
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 that
result
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 from animal products.
While
Linking Words
 there are some
disadvantages
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 of
this
Linking Words
diet
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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they are less important than the benefits. The main advantage that motivates some
people
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 to follow
this
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 system is reducing the rate of animal consumption around the world which maintains wildlife and makes animals enjoy better lives.
For example
Linking Words
, Vietnam is one of the best countries in the world
according to
Linking Words
 wildlife because it is the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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country
according to
Linking Words
 vegetarian
people
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
diet
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 protects us from many
diseases
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such
Linking Words
 as colon, allergies and other
diseases
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 because they might be caused by animal products.
As a
Linking Words
result
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,
people
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 could maintain their physical health which makes them more productive and makes their lives better.
On the other hand
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,
this
Linking Words
diet
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 has some
disadvantages
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is a loss of many key food types
such
Linking Words
 as dairy, meats, honey and
egg
Fix the agreement mistake
eggs
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.
This
Linking Words
 makes their bodies face many issues that
result
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 from a lack of vitamins and minerals derived from animal-based foods.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is hard to find suitable meals for
this
Linking Words
 system in many restaurants or gatherings.
As a
Linking Words
result
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, if they were hanging out, they might have to stay hungry until returning home or eating some vegetarian appetizers.
For instance
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, in Saudi Arabia, vegetarian restaurants are little and more expensive which makes it hard to continue in
this
Linking Words
diet
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the vegetarian
diet
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 lacks several food materials and difficult to get vegetarian meals outside of the home. I believe that advantages are more important than
disadvantages
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, as they consist of protecting them from some
diseases
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 and reducing animal consumption.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging. Try to restate the question directly and clearly express your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the connection between ideas. Using a wider range of linking words could enhance the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are relevant and clearly explained. Some examples could be more specific and tie more directly to your main points for better impact.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion throughout the essay, which is a strong aspect of your writing.
task achievement
Your points are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of a vegetarian diet.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Vegetarian diet
  • Chronic diseases
  • Carbon footprint
  • Deforestation
  • Animal welfare
  • Nutritional deficiencies
  • Balanced intake
  • Societal norms
  • Meat-dominant
  • Sustainable living
  • Plant-based proteins
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