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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many of them do not get enough exercise. What are the reasons ?

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Exercise
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 is vital for maintaining physical
health
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, especially for older
adults
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, yet many
seniors
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 fail to meet the recommended
activity
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 levels. Despite doctors' recommendations, a large number of older
adults
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 struggle to engage in regular
activity
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.
Thus
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, the main reasons are physical limitations and lack of
motivation
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.
To begin
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 with, physical limitations prevent many older individuals from exercising. One reason is age-related
health
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 issues
such
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 as arthritis, heart conditions, and joint pain, all of which make
exercise
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 challenging for the elderly. In Australia,
for example
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, nearly 30% of
seniors
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 report chronic pain that hinders their ability to engage in physical
activity
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.
Moreover
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,
although
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 chronic pain limits mobility, addressing these
health
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 issues can reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease and other
health
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 issues.
Consequently
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, addressing these
health
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 conditions can improve
exercise
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 participation among older people.
Additionally
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, lack of
motivation
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also
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 contributes to low
exercise
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 rates among the elderly who spend their free time doing sedentary activities. One contributing factor is that many
adults
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 feel discouraged
due to
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 insufficient social support or the perception that
exercise
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 is unnecessary.
For instance
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,
seniors
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 in a community program who receive regular encouragement are more likely to maintain an
exercise
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 routine at home.
Furthermore
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, without
motivation
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,
seniors
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 may fall into sedentary lifestyles, worsening their
overall
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health
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.
As a result
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, creating supportive environments and social networks could improve participation in physical
activity
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. In conclusion,
while
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 physical limitations and lack of
motivation
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 pose significant barriers to
exercise
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 for older
adults
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, addressing these barriers through tailored programs and community support can foster healthier lifestyles.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by clearly linking the paragraphs to the main thesis. Consider using more explicit topic sentences and linking phrases for smoother transitions.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or data to further illustrate the main points. For example, include specific studies or personal anecdotes.
Task Achievement
Clear and comprehensive coverage of the main causes for low exercise levels among older adults.
Task Achievement
Effective use of specific examples, such as the Australian statistic, to support the points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivation
  • physical limitations
  • lack of time
  • fear of injury
  • exercise facilities
  • misunderstanding
  • benefits of exercise
  • social support
  • poor health conditions
  • awareness
  • appropriate exercises
  • guidance
  • financial constraints
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