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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates the total
number
Use synonyms
 of trips to move from and to school in children
aground
Correct your spelling
around
show examples
 5-12
years
Use synonyms
 old made in 1990 and 2010 when different vehicles
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 used.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 changed significantly during 20
years
Use synonyms
 with the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 altered in car
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 and walking, and the
amount
Use synonyms
 of cyclling, walking and
bus
Use synonyms
,
bus
Use synonyms
 decreased dramatically in 2 decades.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 car
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 and walking, in 1990 the
number
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of sudent
show examples
sudent
Correct your spelling
student
students
 who were car
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 about
4million
Correct your spelling
4 million
, which increased 4 times in 2010 by over
12million
Correct your spelling
12 million
 per
year
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
in
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 walked to school with over 12
million
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
, which is the highest
amount
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 5 groups of transportation,
then
Linking Words
 dropped sharply by 6
million
Use synonyms
 after 20
years
Use synonyms
.
To regard
Fix the infinitive
Regard
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
 of cycling, walking and
bus
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
, in
generall
Correct your spelling
general
 all
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 decreased by 20
years
Use synonyms
. All of
3
Correct article usage
the 3
show examples
groups had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
Linking Words
similarly
Change the adverb
similar
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 in 1990 about 6
million
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
, but declined dramatically in 2010, cycling with the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 in
5
Correct article usage
the 5
show examples
groups
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
2million
Correct your spelling
2 million
, nextly walking and
bus
Use synonyms
 by 3
million
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
bus
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 5
million
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared with 7
million
Use synonyms
 in 1990.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, years, amount, bus, million, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trips
  • children
  • modes of transport
  • walk
  • cycle
  • public transport
  • drive
  • car
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • shift
  • convenient
  • comfortable
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • significant
  • indicate
  • reasons
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • 20-year period
  • doubled
  • considerable margin
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