IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many criminals re-offended after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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A significant number of
offenders
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 return to criminal behaviour even after receiving punishment.
This
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 is often
due to
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 the difficulties former
prisoners
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 face in securing stable
employment
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 after their release.
However
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, providing
prisoners
Use synonyms
 with appropriate education and vocational training could substantially reduce the likelihood of re-offending. One major reason some
offenders
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 commit crimes again after being punished is the difficulty they face in finding stable
employment
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. Individuals with a criminal record may be viewed negatively by employers, who can be reluctant to offer them job opportunities.
Consequently
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, former
prisoners
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 may struggle to secure regular
employment
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 and earn a stable income, particularly if they lack professional qualifications or practical skills. Without a reliable source of income, some may experience serious financial difficulties and struggle to meet their basic needs.
As a result
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, they may return to illegal activities as a means of earning money, increasing the likelihood of re-offending. One effective way to reduce re-offending is to provide
prisoners
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 with education and vocational training before they are released. Governments could offer courses in practical fields
such
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 as construction, mechanics or information technology, allowing
offenders
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 to develop skills that are valued in the labour market. Acquiring these skills and recognised qualifications could improve their
employment
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 prospects and make them more attractive to potential employers. After release, former
prisoners
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 would
therefore
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 have a greater chance of securing legitimate
employment
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 and earning a stable income.
This
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 financial stability could reduce their dependence on illegal activities, ultimately lowering the likelihood of committing
further
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 crimes. In conclusion, limited
employment
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 opportunities and financial difficulties are important factors that can cause some former
offenders
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 to return to crime. Governments can address
this
Linking Words
 problem by providing
prisoners
Use synonyms
 with practical training and qualifications that improve their chances of finding legitimate
employment
Use synonyms
 after release.

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task response
Add one more reason why some people return to crime. For example, some may go back to the same friends or may not get help for drink, drugs, or anger. This would make your answer more full.
task response
Give a more real example to support your point. For example, say how a person who learns car repair in prison could get work in a local shop after release.
task response
Your answer focuses on training. You could also add support after release, such as help to find work, a safe home, or a person to guide them.
coherence and cohesion
Your flow is strong, but some ideas repeat “stable work”, “stable income”, and “illegal activities”. Use a few different simple words to make the writing less repetitive.
coherence and cohesion
In the second body part, make the link to the problem even more direct at the start. For example: “To help people avoid crime after release, prisons should give them job training.”
coherence and cohesion
The ending is clear. It could be a little stronger by bringing both the cause and the full answer together, including help with work after release.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain why people may return to crime, and you give a clear way to help stop this.
task response
Your main idea is clear: a lack of work can lead to money problems, and training can help people get legal work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Each part has one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Consequently”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” show the cause and result clearly.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • re-offend
  • repeat offender
  • criminal record
  • serve a prison sentence
  • rehabilitation programme
  • reintegration into society
  • stable employment
  • vocational training
  • job skills
  • financial pressure
  • negative peer influence
  • drug and alcohol addiction
  • counselling services
  • mental health support
  • supervised release
  • community service
  • reduce reoffending rates
  • break the cycle of crime
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