IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays people
at
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of
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 different ages are facing competition in their daily life and some individuals think that it has a positive impact and the other thinks that it has a negative impact and they should try to cooperate. In my opinion, I think that competing has both positives and negatives and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views. In terms of competing being a good thing
i
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I
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 partially agree because it encourages everyone to do their best and to be the best version of themselves which will lead to an increase in the quality of life and work.
For instance
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, if there are friends studying together and they are competing on who gets the higher grade that will help them do their best and study hard for it.
In
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On
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 the other hand, it
also
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 could lead to
frustraition
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frustration
frustrations
 and giving up which will result in low self-esteem and that has a negative impact on society.
Thus
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,
i
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I
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 believe that everyone should provide the help needed to others when they have the ability to do it, so everybody can reach
to
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apply
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success. In conclusion, competition has different sides to it and
i
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I
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 believe that the advantages outweigh the
disadvanatges
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disadvantages
 because a world without competitors and someone pushing you to do more would be a world without successful leaders.

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Task Achievement
It would be helpful to elaborate more on your points. For example, provide more developed arguments and examples that show how competition can lead to positive outcomes. Similarly, discuss more about cooperation and its potential benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but linking words could be more effectively utilized to improve flow. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect your ideas more seamlessly.
Grammar and Vocabulary
There are some grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'frustraition', 'disadvanatges') that could be corrected. This would enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Content
Your essay presents a balanced view of both competition and cooperation. This shows critical thinking and an understanding of the complexities of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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