Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In modern society, undergraduates are required to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
abilities in multiple aspects in order to adapt to the fierce
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
market. Some
students
pay attention to
expand
Wrong verb form
expanding
show examples
their
skills
besides
the school curriculum,
while
others suppose that they should invest their precious
time
and effort for a degree. From my perspective, both have their merits for some reasons mentioned in the essay. On the one hand, it is obvious that
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
the core subjects,
students
should acquire a lot of other things during their
time
at university. First of all, there are various
skills
that are extremely essential when people are in an apprenticeship or officially
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
for any company. In fact, some of my colleagues are excellent at specialized knowledge but have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor work performance in the professional environment because of the lack of soft
skills
such
as
time
management or
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
,...
In addition
, the curriculum in most universities
aim
Change the verb form
aims
show examples
to provide
students
with fundamental knowledge and the ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
self-learning
Correct your spelling
self-learn
show examples
.
Therefore
, they need to discover and study deeper
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what they are fond of by themself.
On the other hand
, earning a certification on
time
is still a priority for undergraduates.
Firstly
, the study program is already heavy itself and there are a lot of subjects in a semester and each has its own strict requirements to get a good score.
As a result
, if
students
are distracted by extracurricular activities, they are likely to fall behind with study.
Moreover
, most people feel discouraged easily when most of their peers have graduated. To illustrate, many of my seniors at school have quit on the degree as they still have some unfinished subjects and could not find any motivation when participating in class with their juniors. In conclusion,
although
getting the qualification is essential, I still hold a firm belief that it is crucial for
students
to spend
time
on other
skills
and knowledge during university so that they can be well-prepared for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement, and the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical structure. Use paragraphs effectively, each with a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
task achievement
Embed more specific examples to support your arguments. While you mention personal experiences, adding more detailed examples can help strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to ensure the ideas flow smoothly one to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: