IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful members of society. Others say the purpose is to fulfill personal ambitions and career goals. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

In the modern era, the demand for
education
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 is growing like
a
Correct article usage
apply
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wildfire. A group of people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 that it is valuable to build up a sense of community in individuals;
however
Linking Words
, there are some who feel that it should be used to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their career prospects.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both perspectives before drawing an appropriate conclusion. To commence with the former view, a section of people who believe that
education
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 plays a great role in the development of social skills and exposure considers that
students
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 are able to gain learning experiences through
education
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, fostering
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of visualization, nurturing a helping nature, and equipping them for social services;
as a result
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, responsible and well-maintained members of the community can be introduced significantly.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
students
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 are taught to become social helpers, they often acquire helpfulness in nature, which may lead to building a productive and conscious society. Turning to the flip side, the opponents argue that career development is the crucial purpose of
education
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 rather than social values. Schools and universities allow
students
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 to gain in-depth knowledge about theories and workplace dynamics, which helps them later in life when looking for employment;
conciquently
Correct your spelling
consequently
, learners can build high confidence and become ready for competitive challenges.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
education
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 is a good way to nurture
students
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 for the future, building strong awareness and securing work goals. To recapitulate,
although
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education
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 provides
students
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 with the opportunity to learn about society, it offers more benefits in terms of career preparation. In my opinion,
students
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 should be taught skills that can enhance their future with efficiency.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, particularly in the section discussing the benefits of social skills developed through education.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure varied sentence structures to enhance readability, which can improve engagement and coherence within your essay.
task achievement
Clarify your personal opinion earlier in the essay, perhaps in the introduction, to give the reader a clear expectation of your stance on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the discussion by identifying both views and stating that you will explore them before drawing a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay presents logical arguments for both sides, maintaining focus on the topic throughout the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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