IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The world has turned into a global village, where everyone is busy pursuing their dreams and building careers. They do not have time for having and raising children. In the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
 there were
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 opportunities for work, and society was focused towards having a family,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
difference
Use synonyms
 Use synonyms changecharacteristiccontrastdiscrepancydisparitydistinctiondivergencediversityinequalityvariation It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. in
parents
Use synonyms
' and
kids
Use synonyms
' ages. Like many other scenarios,
this
Linking Words
 divergence
also
Linking Words
 has various perspectives. In my opinion, there should be a greater
difference
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 and their offspring.
Parents
Use synonyms
 who have
kids
Use synonyms
 late or started their family late, seem to be financially stable. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they do not feel pressure to raise little ones and provide them with better facilities.
Thus
Linking Words
kids
Use synonyms
 at a late
age
Use synonyms
 mean economic stability. Older
parents
Use synonyms
 are better at handling toddlers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because with them one has to tolerate and compromise a lot of things. With
age
Use synonyms
 maturity
also
Linking Words
 comes which is quite beneficial for raising babies. As for another point of view,
parents
Use synonyms
 with less
age
Use synonyms
difference
Use synonyms
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
bounding
Correct your spelling
bonding
show examples
 with
kids
Use synonyms
, they are just like friends, spending time together, doing adventure and various kinds of things. Both witness the growth of each other.
Thus
Linking Words
 smaller
age
Use synonyms
difference
Use synonyms
 means more chances for greater friendship.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 who start family earlier sometimes start to show signs of being stressed as they are not ready for the responsibility, or are unable to handle it properly ultimately resulting in a reduction of growth of their career and relationship. As far as I'm concerned it should be the person's own decision when and how he wants to have a family,
although
Linking Words
kids
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
 of maturity do outweigh the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction lays out the topic well, but it could be clearer about your stance from the beginning. Make sure to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction and provide a clear thesis statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on ensuring a smooth flow between your ideas. Some sentences feel a bit disjointed. Use more cohesive devices to link your points together better.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate on your main points with specific examples or personal anecdotes to support your argument more thoroughly.
Task Achievement
You present distinct viewpoints regarding the age difference between parents and children, which enriches your discussion.
Task Achievement
The essay reflects a good understanding of the topic and multiple perspectives, showcasing critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • generation gap
  • intergenerational
  • fulfilling
  • complications
  • stigma
  • judgment
  • advancing age
  • life experience
  • wisdom
  • financial stability
  • opportunity
  • patience
  • maturity
  • relationships
  • communication
  • physical energy
  • social
  • learning
  • understanding
  • age difference
  • older parents
  • risk
  • challenges
  • young children
  • society
  • quality time
  • grandchildren
What to do next:
Look at other essays: