In many countries, traditional values are increasingly eroded as societies embrace modernization and globalization. Some argue that this shift is beneficial, bringing about progress and improved living standards. Others, however, contend that it threatens the cultural fabric of communities and leads to the loss of important societal norms. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Society's progression and globalization are erasing traditional values. Many people believe that
this
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is an advantage in terms of better living standards
while
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some others think that it is a slippery slope towards loss of cultural identity and formalities.
This
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essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of both sides. On one hand, social progression has many advantages for society
such
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as better healthcare practices, education and economic growth.
For example
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, when Singapore gained independence from Malaysia, it was quick to implement English as the first language and make it mandatory for its citizens to learn a second language like Chinese and Malaysian.
As a result
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, the nation's linguistic ability enables them to conduct business with economic powerhouses like China and Britain and fellow developing countries like Malaysia and Indonesia.
This
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greatly boosts Singapore's economic growth and rapid modernisation which
also
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attracts foreign investors as it is easy to communicate with one another.
Conversely
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, the drawback of
such
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modern influence means that the local cultural fabric would shift to that of homogenization, causing the local population to lose its identity. Circling back to Singapore's adaptation of having its citizens learn only the main languages, most of the younger generation today no longer speak Chinese or Malay dialects and are far removed from their ethnic roots and culture.
However
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, many distinct characteristics of
this
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little nation are preserved in its local cuisine which is enjoyed by both locals and tourists alike. In conclusion,
while
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it is important for a country's economic growth to adapt swiftly to modernization and globalization, in my opinion, it should not come at the expense of cultural identity.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that both views are balanced in your arguments. While you've presented strong points for modernization, consider addressing more examples or viewpoints supporting the preservation of traditional values.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to include smoother transitions between points to enhance the flow of your essay. For instance, using linking phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Another disadvantage' can help.
Task Achievement
While you provided relevant examples, consider explaining their significance in more depth. For instance, how exactly has Singapore benefited economically beyond just language skills?
Structure
Your introduction is clear, setting the context for the discussion effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You maintained a logical structure throughout the essay, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional values
  • modernization
  • globalization
  • cultural fabric
  • societal norms
  • progress
  • living standards
  • cultural homogenization
  • identity erosion
  • indigenous populations
  • marginalization
  • cultural identity
  • integration
  • framework
  • balance
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