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Band 6.5

Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree

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In the past decades, there has been an increasing number of parents who think they should restrict how often kids watch TV and play video games and motivate their kids to read more frequently.
While
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this
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 is becoming more of a trend, a few guardians disapprove of
this
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 action.
However
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, in my opinion, I strongly agree with the statement given. The two reasons to support my viewpoints are
:
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 the reduction of stress and the creation of bonding time. First of all, every juvenile should be given the opportunity to relax as they have already absorbed a lot of stress during school. By limiting their free moments, guardians may add more unnecessary pressure on their children, which may
consequently
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 lead to a dip in their academic performance.
For instance
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, a student spends a minimum of 8 hours in school.
This
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 already adds a lot of tension
in
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to
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 a child's life. Giving a kid moments to enjoy and relax is likely to improve the mental health of the juvenile.
Additionally
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, activities
such
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 as watching TV and playing digital games may lead to more socialisation and bonding whether
that is
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 between family or friends. The purpose of adolescents craving to do
such
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 occupations may be because they have a desire to develop a relationship with their family members or friends.
For example
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, most teens enjoy watching television with their loved ones rather than the reverse, just like how they are more enticed to amuse in electronic games with friends than with a stranger. Spending quality time with their loved ones is likely to create long-lasting bonds. In conclusion, I opine that it is important for the guardians not to restrict their youngster's relaxation period. They should understand the objective of their youth when they enact
such
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 endeavours so they get the time that they earned without luring them into doing another thing
such
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 as reading a book.
Therefore
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, doing
this
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 may prevent serious issues
such
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 as an overdose of tensity or a high degree of uncertainty. Every minor deserves a break from their hectic academic education.

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coherence and cohesion
Clarify your main idea in the introduction. While you state your agreement with the restriction idea, providing a concise preview of your main points would enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through your arguments. This structure will improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your claims about relaxation and bonding. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
task achievement
Consider discussing potential downsides of unrestricted screen time to provide a more balanced view, even if your opinion still favors limitations.
task achievement
Your writing presents a clear stance on the issue, making it evident that you agree with limiting screen time in favor of reading.
task achievement
You provide relevant ideas regarding relaxation and bonding, which are important aspects of the discussion.
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