IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays celebrity endorsement is a common practice for many
companies
Use synonyms
 to promote their sports products.
While
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this
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 marketing method may work as intended, the potential downsides for consumers,
companies
Use synonyms
 and even acclaimed sportspeople themselves would seem far more significant in comparison. The main benefit for the company is that the endorsed item is capable of generating high income. Obviously, outstanding athletes have large numbers of adoring fans in their own countries
as well as
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 beyond.
Therefore
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, their association with any merchandise automatically persuades the respective group of admirers to try the advertised article, which continues to boost sales for as long as the ad is on. There are,
however
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, three major drawbacks that need to be taken into account. One of them is that
this
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 technique can be viewed as a manipulation of people's feelings as it utilizes an individual's personal attachment to a sports star to encourage them to purchase a certain product which the same person perhaps would never
otherwise
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 consider purchasing.
Also
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, the cost of having a well-known face recommend a product is often prohibitively high, and
thus
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 marketers need to be sure whether it is worthwhile to invest all that money.
Lastly
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, praising a wrong item in return for a quick profit may defame a renowned sports personality's character.
For example
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, Bison, a potentially harmful sports-themed energy drink, has recently been endorsed by famous Azerbaijani karate fighter Rafael, which has drawn substantial criticism from the public. It is
therefore
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 clear that the financial benefit for
companies
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 is overshadowed by the possible negatives for not only ordinary people and
companies
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 but
also
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 superstars. Celebrity branding should only be used in the interests of all three parties involved.

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task achievement
To improve the introduction, consider briefly outlining the key points you will discuss in the body of the essay. This gives the reader a clearer roadmap of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects back to the main argument. You could add transitional phrases or sentences that reinforce the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly. For instance, citing more than one sports product or endorsement could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your overall opinion clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsement
  • influence
  • credibility
  • reputation
  • globalize
  • brand image
  • penetrate markets
  • role model
  • participation
  • high costs
  • premium pricing
  • overshadow
  • product features
  • consumer trust
  • reputation risk
  • scandal
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