IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The growing number of overweight  people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As there is a rising amount of overweight individuals, the health care system is being worried in an effort to alleviate the relevant health problems. Some people state the best method to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue is to introduce physical training in the school curriculum. I, to a great extent, do not agree with the statement. Despite the
improtance
Correct your spelling
importance
 of having physical training at school, a proper
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 is more crucial to be introduced to the public to solve the issue. Introducing a proper lifestyle means letting people understand the causes of their being overweight, guiding them to pinpoint the habits that let them become
overeight
Correct your spelling
overweight
overnight
, and offering them the various ways which change
such
Linking Words
 habits.
For instance
Linking Words
, the key reason
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 overweight nowadays is the overwhelming nutrition
which
Correct word choice
that
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 over the daily
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 of the individual.

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task achievement
Your introduction sets a clear context but could include a clearer thesis statement indicating your main argument. Try to connect your introduction more distinctly to your opinion on the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to follow a clear logical structure in your paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea clearly. Try to elaborate on your points more extensively.
coherence and cohesion
Watch out for spelling mistakes (e.g., 'improtance' should be 'importance', and 'overeight' should be 'overweight'). Proofreading can help catch these small errors that might distract the reader.
task achievement
You've identified a significant issue—obesity and its effects on healthcare, which is relevant to the prompt.
task achievement
Your writing shows an understanding of the topic and a personal stance, which is important in IELTS essays.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • curriculum
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • strain
  • mandatory
  • long-term
  • well-rounded development
  • diet education
  • community sports
  • parental involvement
  • potential challenges
  • facilities
  • trained staff
  • case studies
  • public health
  • responsibility
  • individual choice
What to do next:
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