The government should control the amount of violence in films and on TV in order to reduce the amount of violent crimes in the society. Do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that people start following everything
whatever
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that
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is shown on television even
it
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if it
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is a good thing or bad for them. The are many people who become aggressive and
indulged
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indulge
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themselves
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apply
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in
crimes
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by watching
in
Change preposition
apply
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movies
Use synonyms
. I wholeheartedly agree with the statement that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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should pay attention to
this
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matter. There is no doubt that there are so many action
movies
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which demonstrate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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aggressiveness,
crimes
Use synonyms
and political riots which indirectly
put
Verb problem
have
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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impact on the behaviour of common people.
Moreover
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, racist
descrimination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
is
also
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presented in
movies
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that grabbed the attention of folks.
Movies
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make them think about superiority or
caste
Correct article usage
the caste
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system. Moving
further
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, the amount of
crimes
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,thefts and
Robbery
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Robberies
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that are shown in cinemas
also
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encouraged children to commit those
crimes
Use synonyms
. Which negatively
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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the future generation of
the
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apply
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society.
Instead
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of presenting
such
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kind of violence directors should depict some good deeds
this
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will not only reduce the violence among individuals it will
also
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help them to create
the
Correct article usage
a
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sense of brotherhood.
In addition
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to
this
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, it should be the responsibility of the government to keep an eye on what kind of films are going to be released. With the help of
censor
Correct article usage
the censor
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board
Add a comma
board,
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they can restrict those
movies
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which support
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminality and vulgarity. In conclusion, I would say the inclining number of
crimes
Use synonyms
can be mitigated if authorities
willl
Correct your spelling
will
take their step forward because
this
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is a good way to
instill
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instil
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a sense of humanity and brotherhood in society.

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task achievement
Consider providing more elaboration on how violence in media translates into real-life actions. Include specific examples or studies that support your claim.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Try to use clear topic sentences and transitions to connect your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and improve your sentence structure for clarity. For instance, rephrase some sentences for better readability.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and maintains a consistent position throughout.
task achievement
You effectively identify the government's role in regulating content as part of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulate
  • Desensitization
  • Censorship
  • Impressionable
  • Exposure
  • Violent behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Preventive measures
  • Artistic freedom
  • Vulnerable
  • Ethical concerns
  • Monitoring
  • Influence
  • Content control
  • Crime reduction
What to do next:
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