IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people fails in school, but ends up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is important things to succeed in life?

some
individual
Correct word choice
apply
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people start
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 by
fail
Change the verb form
failing
show examples
 in their grades , but end up with success.In my opinion, the important thing to succeed in
life
Use synonyms
 is to organize the goals that lead
Use synonyms
student
Add an article
the student
a student
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 to approach their target . In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
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I
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 will express my opinion in more detail. In some periods of
student
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
, they struggle with their choice
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of
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the real things they want and which major they are good
it
Correct your spelling
at
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 because of the stress that
parents
Use synonyms
 put on their
children
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 as some
parents
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 force their
children
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 to choose or approach a major they don't want it or not on their future dreams
consequently
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 failed up on growth
moreover
Linking Words
 some
student
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 don't get enough support to deal with their issues
such
Linking Words
 as hard subject to understand , bullying by other
children
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 that could lead
children
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 to depressed
as a result
Linking Words
 they do not want to go to school and
this
Linking Words
 is
an
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a
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 serious problem
faced
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facing
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 young
children
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 in recent years
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, in addition,
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in addition
Linking Words
 teachers work start from there they have the all the responsibility to solve
student
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 issue and tried to improve their academic plan for the
student
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 to make sure about their succeed and grades .
In addition
Linking Words
 point from my view
i
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I
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 believe the major responsibility
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is dependent on academic administration because they can manage the subject for
children
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for example
Linking Words
 including more choices of subjects so that
children
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 can improve their skills and succeed
for instance
Linking Words
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
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 on practical subjects
such
Linking Words
 as art , project teamwork,song and music
this
Linking Words
 method will do important move to
children
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 to succeed because it could develop their brain and make them love what they study so, of course, lead their
life
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 to succeed.
to conclude
Linking Words
 with
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe the major causes of
this
Linking Words
staetment
Correct your spelling
statement
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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parents
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 ,teachers and academic administration because
childrenchilldren
Correct your spelling
children children
 are too young to organize their
life
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 without help from their
parents
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 or teachers
moreover
Linking Words
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 administration should be more aware of students required of subjects that will improve their skills and gave them more opportunity to
succsed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in their
life
Use synonyms
 .

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coherence and cohesion
Consider revising your introduction to more clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This helps to set the reader's expectations.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that relates back to your main argument. This improves the flow of your essay.
task achievement
To enhance clarity, pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. This can help convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points more clearly, as this can strengthen your argument and provide more context for the reader.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic and presented your opinion on the factors leading to success in life.
task achievement
Your essay includes multiple points of view regarding the reasons behind student failure and success, which shows your ability to think critically about the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic failure
  • learning styles
  • emotional intelligence
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • networking
  • interpersonal skills
  • opportunities
  • success stories
  • self-awareness
  • innovation
  • career development
What to do next:
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