Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In other
people
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’s
perspective
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perspectives
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, modernization has created a binding force that attaches most
people
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.
However
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, others view it as a force that
separated
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separates
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many individuals. In today’s era of digital technology, an innovation,
such
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as a smartphone, has created a rift among individuals, particularly most families, that seemed to be bounded by space but
was
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were
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miles apart in consciousness.
For example
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, the prominent tradition in Filipino culture of sharing meals together and talking about the events that transpired that day was slowly vanishing as most families were now more enthusiastic
in
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about
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eating meals
while
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using their mobile phones.
Apart from
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this
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, a significant number of
people
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prefer to use their mobile phones for gaming which results in meeting new online friends.
Furthermore
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,
this
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may create more divisions among families as these gamers will prefer to confide and interact with these online friends than actual
people
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.
Conversely
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, the innovation of modern technology in the past few decades has been a force connecting
people
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together by video calls.
For example
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, overseas Filipino workers often suffer from depression and homesickness, but until recently, these mental health issues were slowly being resolved by receiving audio calls or video calls from their loved ones in the Philippines. In line with
this
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,
people
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that
utilizes
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utilize
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online social media platforms, like
facebook
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Facebook
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, usually
finds
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find
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people
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that they usually relate to in terms of experienced health problems. To elaborate, cancer patients or stroke survivors may interact in Facebook groups created for them in which they are able to find solace and alleviate the heaviness that their illness has brought in their lives thereby improving their mental health status in the process. In conclusion, I believe that technology
became
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has become
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an instrument that
connected
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connects
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people
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together even if they are miles apart.
In addition
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,
this
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technological advancement has
shown
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been shown
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to positively affect the mental wellness of most
people
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.

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a clearer introduction that sets the stage for the discussion, indicating that there are two sides to the argument before delving into specifics.
Coherence and Cohesion
While you provided good examples, ensure that each point is fully developed and clearly linked to your overall argument to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your own opinion in the conclusion, rather than just stating that technology connects people. This can strengthen your essay's position.
Content
Your essay effectively presents two contrasting viewpoints on the impact of technology, which is essential for this task.
Content
The use of specific examples from Filipino culture and personal experiences adds depth to your arguments and makes them relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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