IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertisings extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other peopte think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The pie chart presents what Anthropology graduates from a university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course which is divided into 6 categories ( full-time
work
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, part-time
work
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, part-time
work
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 and
postgrad
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study
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, full-time
postgrad
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study
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, unemployed and not known). The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in
work
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 after five years.
Overall
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, the pie chart shows that most students have full-time
work
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 after graduating from university. The table shows that the higher salary a person may have is more than 100
thousand
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dollars
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 in the government sector.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the pie chart shows that the
percentage
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 of students who have full-time
work
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 is 52%, and it is the higher
percentage
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. The second
percentage
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 is for part-time jobs about 15%.
Moreover
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, the
percentage
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 of unemployed is 12% and
their
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there
show examples
 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
8% of people who are non-known. There is a number of students who have part-time workwork and
postgrad
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study
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, the
percentage
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 is about 5%. And for people who have a full-time
postgrad
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study
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, the
percentage
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 is about 8%.
Additionally
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, the table shows that salaries are depending on the type of employment. Most employees take 75000
dollars
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 to more than 100
thousand
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dollars
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 in freelance consultants ,
while
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 in government sectors, about 50% of workers take more than 100
thousand
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dollars
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in private companies, about 35% of the employees take 50
thousand
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dollars
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 to 74999
dollars
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.

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Task Achievement
Provide more specific data and comparisons to enhance the analysis of the pie chart and table. For example, discussing the implications of the salary differences could help to show a clearer understanding of the employment outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
You might consider improving the logical flow by using clearer signposting language when transitioning between different points. This can help the reader follow your argument better.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a good overall summary of the data presented in the pie chart and the table, clearly stating the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction successfully outlines the main focus of the essay, which is a good starting point for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuasion
  • consumer behavior
  • emotional appeal
  • nostalgia
  • desensitization
  • digital marketing
  • saturation
  • targeted advertising
  • data collection
  • personalized advertisements
  • market competition
  • product quality
  • overwhelmed by choices
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