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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The internet is a modern invention that has many different views. Some people think it is a great addition to life while others think it creates problems. This essay will outline the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

The world
today
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 is very different from the past and that includes the
internet
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.
People
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 use the
internet
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 everywhere at work, school, and at home. It plays an important role in the world
today
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. Using the
internet
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 in a proper way will help
people
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 in their daily lives.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of the
Internet
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. On the one hand, the
internet
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 has several amazing advantages. First
useing
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using
 the
internet
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 for communication. Some kids communicate with their friends using video games.
Also
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 communicating with their teachers and asking about school work. The second great use is shopping online. A massive amount of users
today
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 use online websites for shopping and to buy their products
instead
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 of going to the store or the mall. The
internet
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today
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 provides all the needs of
people
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.
Also
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, there are many grocery stores online for home supplies.
Moreover
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, it can assist workers to function online by making their own business.
For example
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, securing employment is much more convenient.
On the other hand
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, the
internet
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also
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 has some serious disadvantages. Using the
internet
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 for long hours can be a waste of time.
Today
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 some
people
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 spend their time on video games or watching TV shows for extended periods of time.
Also
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, there are hackers online and
this
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 might prove to be dangerous to users. Sending some links by messages or email as an ad can be a deceptive trap.
As well as
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 these issues, users might
also
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 meet others who are dishonest.
Also
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 in video games, there are a number of players who have a negative agenda. In conclusion, the
internet
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 is very helpful and useful and it makes everyone's life easier in many respects.
However
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, it
also
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 has some serious disadvantages that the community should try to avoid.

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task achievement
Try to further develop your ideas with more specific examples or details. For instance, when discussing advantages, consider adding statistics about internet usage or specific online services that demonstrate your point more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
In the introduction, consider presenting a clearer thesis statement that outlines what the reader can expect in each of the main points you will discuss. This will help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. For instance, ‘useing’ should be ‘using,’ and ‘securing employment is much more convenient’ might be better expressed as ‘finding employment is much more convenient.’ These errors can distract the reader from your ideas.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and present both sides of the argument in a balanced manner. This is a strong point in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, reiterating the advantages and disadvantages of the internet well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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