IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of private health care outweigh the advantages?

More and more people believe that maintaining good fitness through lifestyle choices is more beneficial than relying on medical treatment and that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services should not be operated by profit-making companies. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view and believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in supporting public health.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, investing in preventive
healthcare
Use synonyms
 can significantly reduce the number of individuals who develop lifestyle-related diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, diabetes, and heart conditions. By promoting balanced diets and regular physical activity,
governments
Use synonyms
 can reduce the long-term burden on public health systems. Public awareness campaigns
also
Linking Words
 educate citizens about the dangers of smoking, poor nutrition, and sedentary behaviour.
For example
Linking Words
, a national survey in the UK found that people who engaged in at least 30 minutes of daily exercise were far less likely to require long-term medical care.
In addition
Linking Words
,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should not be driven by profit, as
this
Linking Words
 often leads to prioritising expensive treatments over affordable prevention. When private companies run medical services, the focus may shift toward generating income rather than improving public health outcomes. Essential treatments may become inaccessible to low-income populations, widening fitness inequalities.
While
Linking Words
 individuals are responsible for making healthy choices,
governments
Use synonyms
 influence those choices through laws and infrastructure. Policies banning harmful additives, restricting junk food advertising, and providing access to clean public spaces all encourage healthier lifestyles. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 medical care remains essential, a greater focus on prevention and public responsibility is more sustainable.
Governments
Use synonyms
 must lead these efforts and ensure
healthcare
Use synonyms
 serves individuals, not profit.

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task achievement
Expand on the explanation of how prevention can lower healthcare costs with more examples.
coherence
Use clearer linking words between paragraphs to strengthen the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Include a counterargument to show a deeper understanding of different views.
positive
The introduction clearly states the writer's opinion and sets the stage for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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