IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that when children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough, the children will be sucessful in life. Some think that it will lead to negative pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
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 some people agree that it is good to tell
children
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 they can achieve anything as long as they try hard, others believe
this
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 can create pressure. It is understandable why some
parents
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 support
this
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 approach, but I personally agree more with the latter view. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on both perspectives. On one hand, some
parents
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 want their
children
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 to be the best, so they encourage them to work hard to achieve anything they want.
This
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 can motivate
children
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, especially when pursuing goals.
For instance
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,
children
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 may study harder to become top of their class because they remember what their
parents
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 told them about the value of hard work.
On the other hand
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, repeating
this
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 message too often can be harmful. It becomes worse if
parents
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 do not
also
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 explain that sometimes, even with hard work, things may not go as expected. Since
children
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 are still learning to think critically, they may accept everything
parents
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 say without question.
As a result
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, they might push themselves too hard and feel deeply disappointed if they fail.
Instead
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,
children
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 should be taught to try their best
while
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also
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 being kind to themselves and learning to accept failure.
To conclude
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,
parents
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 need to be careful about what they say to their
children
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, as
children
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 tend to follow adult advice blindly. I believe it is better to tell
children
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 to always try their best,
while
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also
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 helping them understand that failure is sometimes a part of life.

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task achievement
Develop your main points further by providing more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining your opinion.
content
You have successfully addressed both views, which demonstrates a balanced perspective on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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