IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people think that the government should spend money on space exploration, while others think that it is a waste of public money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some
people
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 think that the government should allocate financial resources to
space
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 research; believe that it is a complete waste of
money
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.
This
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 essay will examine both views and explain why I lean towards the latter. On the one hand, there are two reasons why some
people
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 feel that public
money
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 should be spent on
space
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 exploration. The first one is finding habitable planets. Currently, the earth is faced with too many problems, ranging from extreme weather events to the depletion of natural resources. Another reason is the possibility of finding cures for diseases that are currently incurable. Scientists might find substances or chemical compounds on Mars or other planets that might be able to cure deadly diseases
such
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 as cancer and HIV.
On the other hand
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, I side with those who think that it is not worth investing in
space
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 exploration.
First,
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space
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 research requires a huge amount of
money
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 without any guarantee of success. It costs billions of dollars to build a spacecraft, but with a very small technical error, it can explode within seconds of take-off. It means that billions of dollars just go to waste. Another thing is that financial resources are invested in things like education and health care, which can provide immediate benefits for society. The amount of
money
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 used for building a
space
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 shuttle,
for example
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, is enough to help millions of children have the opportunity to go to school or save thousands of
people
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 in remote areas from preventable diseases. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 say that the government should pour
money
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 into exploring outer
space
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, I am of the opinion that it is not a good idea and that
money
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 should
instead
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 in more vital areas.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Instead of mentioning 'diseases,' you might reference specific diseases and research efforts.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, consider using 'furthermore' or 'in addition' to link similar ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify your conclusion by summarizing the main points more directly, reiterating your stance on the issue clearly.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views effectively, demonstrating understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the purpose of the essay well.
task achievement
You have identified important and relevant points on both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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