IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The internet is a modern invention that has many different views. Some people think it is a great addition to life while others think it creates problems. This essay will outline the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

People
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 have different opinions about the use of the
internet
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 as a modern technology.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that it brings some negative impacts, others opine that it has some merit for our lives.
While
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 both have valid points, I believe that the
internet
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 offers significant strengths to our lives. From my perspective, a variety of
people
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 believe that the
internet
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 nowadays is crucial.
Besides
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, a lot of
people
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 in recently using modern technology to make it easier for their lives. To illustrate
this
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, the
internet
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 helps many communities to look for money by the application on their phone
such
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 as YouTubers, telegram or others. Alongside, some inhabitants use the
internet
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 for education and to study what they want.
For instance
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, Learning the English language and many others.
That is
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 why, the
internet
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 is really helpful the humans in doing daily activities in
this
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 modern era.
Thus
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, to be honest I
also
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 use the
internet
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 to study English without a tutor because From my viewpoint
internet
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 allows me to search for what I want like learning a number of
vocabullary
Correct your spelling
vocabulary
, and speaking with Artificial Intelligence particularly to prepare for my
overall
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 IELTS sertificate.
On the other hand
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, some communities argue the
internet
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 created problems
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 online gambling.
That is
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 why, many
people
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 in the world are popular because to
internet
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 helps them open bad sites and sometimes a lot of
people
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 become a thief because of online gambling.
However
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, In recent years many young children using phones and it kind of opens up ugly sites.
For example
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, children, 10 years old open the pornography site and it is so dangerous for them to grow their knowledge of their future. In conclusion, the
internet
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 is essential for a lot of
people
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 on
this
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 planet because has a number of advantages.
Conversely
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, for young children under 18, the parent must supervise their sons for using the gadget for the open bad sites and
then
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 the government should create a new regulation for humans using the
internet
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 to block online gambling.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states what main points you will discuss. This helps readers know what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas better. Use words like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', or 'for example' to help link your sentences and ideas.
task achievement
Add more specific examples. For example, mention some popular educational websites or apps in your points about online learning.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure you have clear topic sentences for each paragraph to show what you will discuss. This helps with the overall structure.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction, which is a good practice for this type of essay.
task achievement
You provided a personal example of how you use the internet to study, which adds a nice touch to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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