IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many contries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this? How can it be solved?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that many
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from health problems because they choose to live unhealthy lifestyles.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 issue and suggest some effective solutions. One of the most obvious causes is the fast-paced nature of modern life. To illustrate, many
people
Use synonyms
 work long hours and have little time to cook healthy meals or exercise regularly.
As a result
Linking Words
, they often rely on fast food and convenience meals that are high in fat, sugar, and salt.
For instance
Linking Words
, office workers may choose takeaway food because it is quick and easily available. Another important cause is the widespread use of technology. To clarify,
people
Use synonyms
 spend a large amount of time sitting in front of screens,
such
Linking Words
 as computers and smartphones, which reduces physical activity and encourages a sedentary lifestyle. One effective solution that should not be overlooked is increasing public awareness about healthy living. To illustrate, governments and schools can run campaigns and educational programmes that teach
people
Use synonyms
 about balanced diets and the importance of regular exercise.
For example
Linking Words
, nutrition classes in schools can help children develop healthy habits from an early age. Another important solution is to create environments that encourage active lifestyles. To clarify, cities can build more parks, walking paths, and sports facilities to make physical activity more accessible.
In addition
Linking Words
, workplaces can promote health by offering gym memberships or organising fitness activities for employees. To recapitulate, it is evident that unhealthy lifestyles are mainly caused by busy schedules and lack of physical activity,
while
Linking Words
 effective solutions include education and better health-friendly environments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is necessary that both governments and individuals take responsibility to promote healthier living habits in order to reduce health problems.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Make the link between cause and solution clearer in each paragraph; show how each point will help reduce health problems.
content
Add more specific ideas or examples and explain how they work in real life.
language
Use simpler words and shorter sentences to fit common exam use.
structure
Clear structure with intro, body and conclusion.
coherence
Good use of linking words to show cause and effect.
content
Real-life examples like office workers support the points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • healthy
  • illness
  • reason
  • problem
  • people
  • life
  • time
  • money
  • work
  • home
  • city
  • country
  • shop
  • eat
  • food
  • drink
  • water
  • sugar
  • fat
  • salt
  • junk
  • fast
  • habit
  • plan
  • choice
  • learn
  • teach
  • school
  • family
  • friend
  • ad
  • ads
  • price
  • cost
  • cheap
  • expensive
  • park
  • walk
  • move
  • exercise
  • gym
  • doctor
  • care
  • help
  • support
  • campaign
  • rule
  • limit
What to do next:
Look at other essays: