Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,

music

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become part of people’s life because it has been played in every place. Certain individuals argue that

music

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gives some advantages to people and organizations.

While

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others are of the opinion that

music

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can have a disadvantageous influence on both. My essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks from my perspective. On the one hand,

music

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is a type of tool that can be introduced to people on earth whatever their cultural background is.

In addition

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music

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which is played with traditional instruments can express their feeling about the meaning of the

song

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For example

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, the

song

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‘Manuk Dadali’, created by Sambas Mangundikarta, was played

together with

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a musical instrument made of bamboo called angklung

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and told a story about a bird as the symbol of Indonesia.

Moreover

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music

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brings unity and oneness because it can carry out the role as the national anthem of a country like ‘Indonesia Raya’ which was sung during the independence days of Indonesia every 17 August.

On the other hand

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, sometimes

music

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contains some bad meanings and satires in the lyrics, which are written by one person as a critique of another community or country.

For instance

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, Green Day wrote American Idiot as the title of his

song

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and he sang it when the concert was held several years ago and mentioned many bad words to America. It can influence people to lose interest in travelling to America.

Second,

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music

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can have an impact on a person’s mental health.

Furthermore

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according to

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psychology, sad sounds make our brains think about bad memories we have experienced. As an illustration when we sing a

song

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whose title is ‘Ghost’, we can feel sadness

due to

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the absence of a loved one who died a few days ago. In conclusion,

while

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music

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can influence the listeners through the types of songs they listen to,

therefore

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, personally speaking, it is beneficial that everyone put

music

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which can promote unity, cultural awareness, and positive emotions on their list

instead

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of those that convey negative messages or morals and impact mental.

riani.the2Mon Oct 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph addresses a distinct point clearly to enhance understanding.

task achievement

Consider refining your thesis statement to align precisely with the discussed views.

task achievement

Diversify the examples to reflect a variety of perspectives for stronger support.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a cohesive structure.

task achievement

Examples such as 'Manuk Dadali' and 'American Idiot' are effective in supporting your points.

task achievement

The essay effectively discusses both views, maintaining balance throughout.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

344 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Harmony
Melody
Rhythm
Socio-cultural
Artistic expression
Cognitive development
Soundtrack
Moral implications
Acoustic ecology
Intellectual property
Authenticity
Commercialization
Media literacy
Sensory overload
Acculturation

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With the recent improvement to the internet, people can leave views or opinions on certain goods or services that they have purchased. Is it a good or bad thing. Discuss both views.

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