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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table in the above image shows the source of money for the police budget. The chart shows how it was spent. Both of these images capture data from the year 2017 to 2018.

The table in the above image shows the source of money for the police budget. The chart shows how it was spent. Both of these images capture data from the year 2017 to 2018.
The table
chart
Use synonyms
 below illustrates information based on the number of resources allocated for the police department,
while
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 indicates their expenditures in 2017 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that,
according to
Linking Words
 the table,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law enforcement’s total salary has increased. The pie
chart
Use synonyms
demonstrates
Verb problem
shows
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 that spending on buildings and transport remained
unchange
Correct your spelling
unchanged
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the expenses
of
Change preposition
for
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 technology rose, despite the proportion of salaries
experienced
Wrong verb form
experiencing
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 a reduction over the period.
Initially
Linking Words
,
to begin
Linking Words
 with table, in 2017 the budget from the National government
was amounted
Change to the active voice
amounted
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 to 175.5m and
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure increased by 1.3m in the next year.
A
Correct article usage
The
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 same indication was observed in local taxes and other resources, which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 91,2m and 38m in 2017,
then
Linking Words
 witnessed a growth to 102.3 and 38.5 in 2018, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, observation to the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, the percentage of salaries was the highest figure in both years, but decreased from 75% in 2017 to 69% in 2018. The share of technology was seen as the lowest allocation 8% in 2017 and 14% in 2018. In terms of buildings and transport stayed at 17% over the given timeframe.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, m with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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