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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from prison. What do you think is the cause? How can it be solved?

Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released mainly because they lack employment opportunities and proper
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be mitigated by providing
job
Use synonyms
 training, educational programmes and strong reintegration support. One of the main causes of reoffending is a lack of
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities. When ex-offenders have some criminal records, they may face stigma and discrimination in the
job
Use synonyms
 market. In
this
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 case, without a stable income , they may tend to commit crimes to survive.
Furthermore
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, inadequate Proper
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 is another determining factor of
this
Linking Words
 problem. Unfortunately, some prisons focus on the punishment of inmates
instead
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 of teaching useful skills which help them to be integrated into
society
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 after imprisonment. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem and give a chance for reentering prisoners into
society
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, some measures would be implemented.
Firstly
Linking Words
, governments should provide more vocational training programs and
rehabilitation
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 rather than punishment inside jails,
Such
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 as IT, mechanical expertise and improvement of inmates' practical skills, in order to find appropriate jobs after their release.
Besides
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, the significant role of reintegration encouragement can not be overlooked. Many community centres or NGO could support ex-inmates with housing and mentoring.
For instance
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, some American movies related to crime and release after prison have shown notable contributions of peer support groups to helping offenders avoid returning to criminal gangs. In conclusion, being unable to integrate into
society
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 and a lack of
job
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 opportunities could be reasons why some ex-convicts commit crimes after serving prison sentences. To reduce recidivism rates,
rehabilitation
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 initiatives, career training and reintegration supports should be launched to help inmates develop their skills and improve their confidence for reentering
society
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Add a short intro and a clear conclusion to frame your ideas.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit, like and, but, also, then.
development
Give one idea at a time with one or two details to explain it.
examples
Use simpler examples from life or real events, not movies, to support points.
grammar
Check spelling and space after commas and fix small grammar errors.
content
Clear view on the cause of reoffending.
content
Good plan to use job training and help to rejoin society.
structure
Essay is organized in paragraphs with a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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