IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Many think experimentation on
animals
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited
due to
Linking Words
 being cruel,
while
Linking Words
 others say key discoveries in
science
Use synonyms
 can be reached by doing
experiments
Use synonyms
 on them. Despite being bad, I believe that
such
Linking Words
 a trend can be justified because it provides humanity with important scientific knowledge, which can help both people and
animals
Use synonyms
.
Experiments
Use synonyms
 on
volunteers
Use synonyms
 could be suggested as
alternative
Add an article
an alternative
show examples
 way
Experiments
Use synonyms
 on
animals
Use synonyms
 may be found bad, but they contribute to
science
Use synonyms
 very much. There are many questions that need to be investigated in order to prevent and cure many diseases among people and
animals
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, no positive outcome can be reached without experimenting; those
experiments
Use synonyms
 open doors to
science
Use synonyms
 by enhancing it.
As a result
Linking Words
, many concerns about
individiuals'
Correct your spelling
individuals'
 and
animals
Use synonyms
'
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 get tackled.
For example
Linking Words
,
experiments
Use synonyms
 on rats helped scientists to find
about
Change preposition
out
show examples
 the reaction of some elements in antibiotics, which could be very dangerous for babies.
Although
Linking Words
 animal
experiments
Use synonyms
 are quite useful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
Use synonyms
, I believe
volunteers
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 be used for research and analysis. Compared to the
animals
Use synonyms
, people will give their will;the process will become more ethical.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both sides would
be in
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit:
volunteers
Use synonyms
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be paid a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 sum of money and
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 get an opportunity to check their ideas on them and address some problems.
In addition
Linking Words
, many men and women refuse to buy
production
Replace the word
products
show examples
 that
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 tested on
animals
Use synonyms
, in that
case
Add the comma(s)
case,
show examples
 some companies use
volunteers
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 because of ethical side targetting to boost their sales.
For example
Linking Words
, after Johnson's
baby
Capitalize word
Baby
show examples
 launched cruelty-free products all over the world, their sales
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased noticeably.
To conclude
Linking Words
, though tests on
animals
Use synonyms
 can be justified owing to providing
science
Use synonyms
 with valuable data, those
experiments
Use synonyms
 may be done on
volunteers
Use synonyms
 as well, which would be seen as a way more positive situation.

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task achievement
The introduction could be improved by presenting a clearer thesis statement that explicitly outlines the writer's stance. Consider revising it to strongly convey your opinion on the justification of animal experimentation.
task achievement
The conclusion summarizes the main points but could reinforce your argument more effectively. Try to restate your main argument more clearly and leave the reader with a strong final thought.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure is logical, but some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to signal the main idea and connect more effectively to the argument being made.
task achievement
While the essay contains relevant examples, providing more specific details or studies could enhance credibility and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be refined for clarity. Consider reviewing sentence structures to ensure they flow smoothly and convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging the opposing argument and providing a clear rationale for your position.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points, particularly the mention of antibiotic reactions and the example of Johnson's baby products which demonstrate real-world applications.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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