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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that goverment should pat for people's education and healthe care, while other believe that governmen-funded educaiton and health care can create unnecssary burdens. Discuss both view and give your own opinon.

Some
people
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 believe that
government
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-funded
education
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 and
health
Use synonyms
care
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 can lead to unnecessary burdens.
However
Linking Words
, I support the view that the cost of
education
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 and
health
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care
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 should be paid for by governments. It can be argued that
government
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-funded culture and
health
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care
Use synonyms
 can create unnecessary burdens.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 main reason is that governments have limited funds to spend. If they spend too much money on culture and
health
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care
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, other important public services,
such
Linking Words
 as public transport, environmental protection and the state pension system, may be underfunded.
Also
Linking Words
, authority-funded improvement and
healthcaremay
Correct your spelling
healthcare may
health care may
 make
people
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 less careful about their
education
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 and healthcare decisions, which can increase the burden on learning and healthcare systems.
For example
Linking Words
, patients in the UK often have to wait more than six months to receive the medical treatment that they need.
However
Linking Words
, I agree with the view that
government
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 should pay for
people
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's
education
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 and
health
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care
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. A large proportion of
government
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 revenue comes from the taxes paid by citizens.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
government
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 should provide taxpayers with public services, including
education
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 and
health
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care
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are low-income families who cannot afford
education
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 or
health
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care
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 in almost every country. Without
education
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 and
health
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care
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 provided by the
government
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, they would feel that they are treated unfairly, which would cause resentment among them. From an economic perspective, a country where citizens have access to free
education
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 and
health
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care
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 is more likely to have a well-educated and healthy workforce.
This
Linking Words
 can boost economic growth and give the country a competitive edge in the global market. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it can be argued that
government
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-funded
education
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 and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 may create unnecessary burdens, I support the view that authority should pay for
people
Use synonyms
's
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your arguments and explanations. This will help the reader follow your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words to connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling to improve clarity. For example, 'government-funded' is spelled incorrectly in a few places.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your opinion on the topic, which is a strong start.
task achievement
You provide a good conclusion that summarizes your points effectively.
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