IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Parents are encouraging their children to spend an increasing amount of time on tablets and screens because they think it will improve their technological skills Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the rapidly changing world, tablets and
phones
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 are becoming more popular among
Children
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 as their father and mother allow them to improve their technical skills.
while
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 there are obvious benefits to
this
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, there are significant dangers as well. It will be explored in
this
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 essay with disadvantages outweighing the advantages and Conclusions in the upcoming paragraph. On the one hand, Undoubtedly, game addiction is the main negative outcome of
this
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 trend.
This
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 means that owing to the development of the internet and its sources like Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp and so on are addicted the
children
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 towards after spending time on
phones
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 and tablets on a daily basis; leading to less social interaction and becoming introverted to communication in society.
For Example
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,
according to
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 the Hindustan Times, more than 75% of
children
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 are addicts.
Moreover
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, even though excessive usage of
phones
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 enhances their Technological Skills ; it contributes to more cognitive illnesses as symptoms of forgetfulness and less concentration
along with
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 memory loss.
As a result
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, insufficient interest in studies and weak performance in class.
Thus
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,
this
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 supports my view of why spending time on
phones
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 and computers is harmful .
on the other hand
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, thanks to electronic devices like computers,
phones
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 and laptops; Kids become more technical which helps them not only in either School or college but
also
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 at their workplace as they have search tools for design skills, MS Office (for office work), all others essential tools which help them to succeed in the education field. In Conclusion,
although
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 it is really beneficial for
children
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; the disadvantages Outcomes outweigh the positive outcomes.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly present both sides of the argument. Your essay mainly focuses on the disadvantages but mentions advantages briefly. It's better to balance your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. This will help the reader understand the main idea of each paragraph more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the linking words between sentences and ideas. This will help your essay flow better and make it easier to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as referring to the Hindustan Times for addiction statistics.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is mostly clear, with separate sections for advantages and disadvantages, which helps in understanding your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Technology-driven world
  • Technological proficiency
  • Educational apps
  • Interactive software
  • Learning styles
  • Eye strain
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Social interaction
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Screen time management
  • Supervision and control
  • Exposure
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