IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Protecting endangered species should be a priority for governments. To what extent do you agree?"

Whether or not governments should prioritize
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
protecting endangered species. The writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 notion among
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
money
Use synonyms
 wasting and
also
Linking Words
 the non-effect for dwellers.
Although
Linking Words
 others believe that it will guarantee
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
biodiversity
Use synonyms
. One of the principal concerns of why endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be prioritized is the waste of
money
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, having
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent a wide range of debt from government subsidies can prevent them from accessing another social problem which is more paramount for citizens than endangered
animals
Use synonyms
. To explain
further
Linking Words
, were endangered species to be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
main attention, it will be later as a financial burden which will distract the growth of the domestic economy.
For instance
Linking Words
, even though Safari have been organized as a way to both
conserving
Wrong verb form
conserve
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 in
danger
Use synonyms
 and taking attraction for tourism, it has still lost much
money
Use synonyms
 annually.
Hence
Linking Words
, the more priority for endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 , the more
money
Use synonyms
 was wasted. What makes protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 in
danger
Use synonyms
, particularly disadvantageous is it has no sense of necessity for the population. Simply put,
animals
Use synonyms
 in
danger
Use synonyms
 may not provide any value in many fields, namely food production and medicine, so that, they run a higher risk of not meeting the dweller’s expectations when they had paid taxes for protecting those
animals
Use synonyms
. Having gathered a vast amount of employers and investments can bring back
non positive
Add a hyphen
non-positive
show examples
 effects for general citizens.
Thus
Linking Words
, if authority prioritizes endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 without any advantage, it can lead to negative cognition
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 citizens
In contrast
Linking Words
, it is thought that protection for
animals
Use synonyms
 in
danger
Use synonyms
 can guarantee the
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 of species.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that it had the interconnection between each animal with their food chains, if those
animals
Use synonyms
 later disappeared ,it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be a precondition of
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 degradation and
also
Linking Words
 prejudice for found chain basements.
However
Linking Words
, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cutting-edge biological technology with regard to gen, scientists can conserve their AND in perfect conditions which can deter the
disappear
Replace the word
disappearance
show examples
 tendency.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 would be accurately conserved. In conclusion ,
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 in
danger
Use synonyms
 can prevent
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 from decreasing.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the concerns of not only wasting
money
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 creating non-sense for human ability

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
coherence
Organize your paragraphs clearly. Each paragraph should have one clear idea.
task achievement
Provide specific examples that are relevant to support your points.
coherence
Make a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points clearly.
task achievement
You show an understanding of different views on the topic.
task achievement
Your points are interesting and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: