IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is often argued that individuals should accept difficult circumstances in life,
such
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 as poor working conditions or financial struggles.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that resignation is the best approach, others assert that
efforts
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 should be made to change these
unfavorable
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unfavourable
show examples
 situations.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why striving for improvement is more beneficial. On the one hand, there are those who believe that certain situations are beyond one’s control.
For example
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, individuals born into poverty or living under oppressive regimes may find it extremely difficult to change their circumstances. Accepting these hardships can sometimes bring peace of mind and reduce stress. If
people
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 continuously fight against unchangeable conditions, it may lead to frustration and burnout.
On the other hand
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, many argue that one should always seek to improve their situation.
Although
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 challenges exist, progress is often possible through education, training, or relocation.
For instance
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, numerous
people
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 have improved their lives by learning new skills and switching careers. It has been shown that
people
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 who take proactive steps are more likely to achieve financial stability and personal satisfaction.
While
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 initial
efforts
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 may not yield instant results, perseverance often leads to better outcomes. In conclusion,
although
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 acceptance of hardship may offer temporary relief, I believe that individuals should make consistent
efforts
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 to improve their lives. Governments and communities should support
such
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efforts
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 by providing resources and opportunities for personal and professional growth.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic clearly, but try to rephrase the thesis statement to make your opinion more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more clearly between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Add more examples or personal opinions to support your points, which will make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have presented both views well, showing good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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