Some people believe that software programming should be taught at primary school. Others think that the focus at this level should be on playing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #software #school #focus #level

Nowadays,

computers

Change the noun form

computer

show examples

engineering and

software

programming occupations are more popular and common in job markets.

Therefore

, it is frequently argued that students at primary

school

ought to study

software

programming,

while

other people believe that

children

must spend their

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

at secondary

school

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing rather than focusing on hard academic topics. In my opinion, playing at primary

school

is more beneficial for

children

than studying subjects.

This

due to

the

fact

that

difficulties

Replace the word

difficult

show examples

topics make

children

asocial persons. First and foremost, people why think that

prioritize

Wrong verb form

prioritising

show examples

software

lessons at primary

school

is that

children

are able to improve their

problem- solving

Correct your spelling

problem-solving

show examples

skills

in their

childhood

. In

fact

, when individuals advance their abilities in their

child

Change noun form

child's

show examples

times

, they

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

expert

Fix the agreement mistake

experts

show examples

in these fields

such

as digital literacy.

For example

, a survey shows that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

most employees in computer science engineering are excellent in mathematics and creativity and innovation

skills

This

is in light of the

fact

that they developed their those abilities

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when they were kids.

As a result

, they could succeed

Change preposition

show examples

working professionally in

computer

Add an article

the computer

show examples

engineering sector.

On the other hand

, the main reason for believing

children

at primary

school

should play games and do physical activities is that

children

need to improve their social abilities namely communication

others

Change preposition

with others

show examples

and confidence.

In other words

, prominent beneficial

skills

for kids are advancing their personality talents. They prepare them to live

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

lifestyle in the future. As a matter of

fact

, focusing on hard subjects

Change preposition

show examples

childhood

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

them

confusing

Replace the word

confused

show examples

and

overwhelming

Wrong verb form

overwhelmed

show examples

from social lifestyles.

For instance

, 75% of workers in iPhone

company is

Replace the word

companies, which

show examples

a well-known

organization

Fix the agreement mistake

organizations

show examples

digital

Add an article

the digital

show examples

sector are asocial and lonely. It is said that they spent their

childhood

to learn

Change the verb form

learning

show examples

hard academic topics rather than

contact

Wrong verb form

contacting

show examples

each other.

Consequently

, they could not touch on others correctly in their workplaces. Personally, I feel that

children

need to play at primary

school

This

is owing to the

fact

that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

individual’s

Correct article usage

an individual’s

show examples

childhood

times

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

more appropriate

Change preposition

for

show examples

enjoy

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

live

make

Verb problem

apply

show examples

entertainment time.

Hence

, they can create a good career in the future. In conclusion,

software

programming should

educate

Wrong verb form

be educated

show examples

at primary

school

or taught social lessons is a controversial topic. From my perspective,

children

must

spent

Change the verb form

spend

show examples

their

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

at primary

school

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing.

Reasons

Correct article usage

The reasons

show examples

mentioned above support it and

the

Correct your spelling

then

show examples

spend time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing

Change preposition

show examples

childhood

helps them advance their personal social

skills

Submitted by ab.ciyani on Wed Apr 03 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to discuss both views equally and provide clear examples to support your points. While you provided some examples, more specific and detailed examples could strengthen your argument.

coherence & cohesion

Try to improve your essay's clarity by avoiding typos or grammatical errors which could lead to misunderstandings. Proofreading your work can enhance the overall quality.

coherence & cohesion

Organize your essay in paragraphs clearly, each addressing a specific point. This helps in maintaining a logical flow and making your essay easier to follow.

task achievement

For a higher score in Task Achievement, ensure that your opinion is clear and consistently maintained throughout the essay. While your opinion was somewhat clear, reinforcing it in each section could be beneficial.

task achievement

You engaged well with the essay topic, demonstrating an understanding of the subject matter.

coherence & cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in making your argument accessible.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

396 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that software programming should be taught at primary school. Others think that the focus at this level should be on playing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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