Some people believe that software programming should be taught at primary school. Others think that the focus at this level should be on playing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays,
computers
Change the noun form
computer

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engineering and
software
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programming occupations are more popular and common in job markets.
Therefore
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, it is frequently argued that students at primary
school
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ought to study
software
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programming,
while
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other people believe that
children
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must spend their
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time

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at secondary
school
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for
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apply

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playing rather than focusing on hard academic topics. In my opinion, playing at primary
school
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is more beneficial for
children
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than studying subjects.
This
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is
due to
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the
fact
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that
difficulties
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difficult

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topics make
children
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asocial persons. First and foremost, people why think that
prioritize
Wrong verb form
prioritising

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb prioritize. Consider changing it.

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software
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lessons at primary
school
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is that
children
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are able to improve their
problem- solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving

The word problem- solving seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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skills
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in their
childhood
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. In
fact
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, when individuals advance their abilities in their
child
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child's

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times
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, they
would
Wrong verb form
will

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be
an
Correct article usage
apply

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expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts

It seems that expert may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in these fields
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as digital literacy.
For example
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, a survey shows that
,
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apply

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most employees in computer science engineering are excellent in mathematics and creativity and innovation
skills
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.
This
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is in light of the
fact
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that they developed their those abilities
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker when. Consider removing the comma.

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when they were kids.
As a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they could succeed
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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working professionally in
computer
Add an article
the computer

The noun phrase computer engineering sector seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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engineering sector.
On the other hand
Linking Words

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, the main reason for believing
children
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at primary
school
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should play games and do physical activities is that
children
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need to improve their social abilities namely communication
others
Change preposition
with others

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and confidence.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, prominent beneficial
skills
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for kids are advancing their personality talents. They prepare them to live
better
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a better

The noun phrase better lifestyle seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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lifestyle in the future. As a matter of
fact
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, focusing on hard subjects
at
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in

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childhood
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes

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them
confusing
Replace the word
confused

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and
overwhelming
Wrong verb form
overwhelmed

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from social lifestyles.
For instance
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, 75% of workers in iPhone
company is
Replace the word
companies, which

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a well-known
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations

It seems that organization may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in
digital
Add an article
the digital

The noun phrase digital sector seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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sector are asocial and lonely. It is said that they spent their
childhood
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to learn
Change the verb form
learning

To learn doesn’t seem to work here.

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hard academic topics rather than
contact
Wrong verb form
contacting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb contact. Consider changing it.

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each other.
Consequently
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they could not touch on others correctly in their workplaces. Personally, I feel that
children
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need to play at primary
school
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.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is owing to the
fact
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that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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childhood
Use synonyms

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times
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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more appropriate
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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enjoy
and
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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live
make
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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entertainment time.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they can create a good career in the future. In conclusion,
software
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

programming should
educate
Wrong verb form
be educated

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb educate. Consider changing it.

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at primary
school
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or taught social lessons is a controversial topic. From my perspective,
children
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must
spent
Change the verb form
spend

The verb spent after the modal verb must does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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their
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

times
Fix the agreement mistake
time

It seems that times may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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at primary
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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playing.
Reasons
Correct article usage
The reasons

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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mentioned above support it and
the
Correct your spelling
then

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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spend time
by
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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playing
at
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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childhood
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

helps them advance their personal social
skills
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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task achievement
Make sure to discuss both views equally and provide clear examples to support your points. While you provided some examples, more specific and detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Try to improve your essay's clarity by avoiding typos or grammatical errors which could lead to misunderstandings. Proofreading your work can enhance the overall quality.
coherence & cohesion
Organize your essay in paragraphs clearly, each addressing a specific point. This helps in maintaining a logical flow and making your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, ensure that your opinion is clear and consistently maintained throughout the essay. While your opinion was somewhat clear, reinforcing it in each section could be beneficial.
task achievement
You engaged well with the essay topic, demonstrating an understanding of the subject matter.
coherence & cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in making your argument accessible.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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