Some people believe that software programming should be taught at primary school. Others think that the focus at this level should be on playing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Nowadays,
computers
engineering and Change the noun form
computer
software
programming occupations are more popular and common in job markets. Therefore
, it is frequently argued that students at primary school
ought to study software
programming, while
other people believe that children
must spend their times
at secondary Fix the agreement mistake
time
school
for
playing rather than focusing on hard academic topics. In my opinion, playing at primary Change preposition
apply
school
is more beneficial for children
than studying subjects. This
is due to
the fact
that difficulties
topics make Replace the word
difficult
children
asocial persons.
First and foremost, people why think that prioritize
Wrong verb form
prioritising
software
lessons at primary school
is that children
are able to improve their problem- solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
skills
in their childhood
. In fact
, when individuals advance their abilities in their child
Change noun form
child's
times
, they would
be Wrong verb form
will
an
Correct article usage
apply
expert
in these fields Fix the agreement mistake
experts
such
as digital literacy. For example
, a survey shows that,
most employees in computer science engineering are excellent in mathematics and creativity and innovation Remove the comma
apply
skills
. This
is in light of the fact
that they developed their those abilities,
when they were kids. Remove the comma
apply
As a result
, they could succeed on
working professionally in Change preposition
in
computer
engineering sector.
Add an article
the computer
On the other hand
, the main reason for believing children
at primary school
should play games and do physical activities is that children
need to improve their social abilities namely communication others
and confidence. Change preposition
with others
In other words
, prominent beneficial skills
for kids are advancing their personality talents. They prepare them to live better
lifestyle in the future. As a matter of Add an article
a better
fact
, focusing on hard subjects at
Change preposition
in
childhood
make
them Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
confusing
and Replace the word
confused
overwhelming
from social lifestyles. Wrong verb form
overwhelmed
For instance
, 75% of workers in iPhone company is
a well-known Replace the word
companies, which
organization
in Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
digital
sector are asocial and lonely. It is said that they spent their Add an article
the digital
childhood
to learn
hard academic topics rather than Change the verb form
learning
contact
each other. Wrong verb form
contacting
Consequently
, they could not touch on others correctly in their workplaces.
Personally, I feel that children
need to play at primary school
. This
is owing to the fact
that,
Remove the comma
apply
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
childhood
times
is
more appropriate Correct subject-verb agreement
are
to
enjoy Change preposition
for
and
live Correct word choice
apply
make
entertainment time. Verb problem
apply
Hence
, they can create a good career in the future.
In conclusion, software
programming should educate
at primary Wrong verb form
be educated
school
or taught social lessons is a controversial topic. From my perspective, children
must spent
their Change the verb form
spend
times
at primary Fix the agreement mistake
time
school
for
playing. Change preposition
apply
Reasons
mentioned above support it and Correct article usage
The reasons
the
spend time Correct your spelling
then
by
playing Change preposition
apply
at
Change preposition
in
childhood
helps them advance their personal social skills
.Submitted by ab.ciyani on
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task achievement
Make sure to discuss both views equally and provide clear examples to support your points. While you provided some examples, more specific and detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Try to improve your essay's clarity by avoiding typos or grammatical errors which could lead to misunderstandings. Proofreading your work can enhance the overall quality.
coherence & cohesion
Organize your essay in paragraphs clearly, each addressing a specific point. This helps in maintaining a logical flow and making your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, ensure that your opinion is clear and consistently maintained throughout the essay. While your opinion was somewhat clear, reinforcing it in each section could be beneficial.
task achievement
You engaged well with the essay topic, demonstrating an understanding of the subject matter.
coherence & cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in making your argument accessible.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example