IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should punish their children when they misbehave. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #children #misbehave
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It is thought by some people that when children misbehave, their
parents
Use synonyms
 should punish them
instead
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 of doing something else. From my point of view, I slightly disagree with
this
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 matter and the reasons will be outlined before reaching my conclusion.
To begin
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 with,
parents
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 can take action in many ways and one of the crucial methods is to let their offspring face consequences. What
this
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 means is they will gain experience and understand what is going to happen when they are being naughty and mischievous.
Furthermore
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, children will think carefully before they decide to take action next time.
For example
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, at a
new year
Correct your spelling
New Year
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 party of my family
last
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 year, I asked my aunt why his child did not run around like he used to in the past and he told me that the boy had slipped and hit the edge of a chair before our family gathering one week.
Therefore
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, he learnt and understood the outcome of running around could cause him injuries.
In addition
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, another reason why I support
this
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 idea is adults can talk and guide their offspring. To elaborate
further
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,
parents
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 can explain calmly with logic and consequences to juniors.
Moreover
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, they can tell youths about the effects that happen not only in the family but
also
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 in society.
For instance
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, when I was in middle school, my friend was throwing tiny gravel at me and his father came.
Hence
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, his father called him to sit and talk calmly about the follow-up that would happen if I bled.
Besides
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, it can lead to my
parents
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filed
Wrong verb form
filing
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 a report to the police and it would affect their family and the school.
Overall
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, it is undeniable that punishing is a thing that some
parents
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 choose
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their offspring. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
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 viewpoint as there are plenty of ways that can stop them from misbehaving
such
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 as letting their children face consequences or talking to them.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Your essay offers a complete response to the task and addresses different aspects of the issue well. However, to improve, consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea or reason, with supporting evidence or examples to back it up.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally coherent and easy to follow, with a logical structure. Each paragraph builds on the previous one. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Using linking words or phrases can help improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
While you provided relevant and specific examples, like the story of your aunt's child and your friend's father, these examples could be more detailed to provide greater depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic which is an excellent start. Also, the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your essay clearly demonstrates an understanding of the topic and provides a thoughtful discussion. The examples you provided are relevant and help to support your arguments effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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