IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some think spending a lot on birthday celebrations and weddings is a waste of money. Others think it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are competing views on whether spending
money
Use synonyms
 on festivals is the right thing to do .
Although
Linking Words
 some see it as a waste of
money
Use synonyms
,I still think that the memories we make are worth it because we keep
traditions
Use synonyms
 in our community .
People
Use synonyms
 who resist
this
Linking Words
 and see it as worthless are missing a lot in life . Humans work to get paid ,and
then
Linking Words
 they use their salary to do what makes them happy .If celebrating
birthdays
Use synonyms
 and
weddings
Use synonyms
 was not on their list
then
Linking Words
 what is? Take ,
for example
Linking Words
, the elderly
people
Use synonyms
 who were asked what their biggest regrets on the BBC interview, their answers mostly are that they regret missing a lot in their lives
such
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 as , not celebrating like they should have.
However
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 ,I do think that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on one-time events is not worthless at all. In fact , research at Cambridge University about
money
Use synonyms
 psychology shows that
people
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 who save their
money
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 tend to spend it on unnecessary goods most of the time . Others,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 , argue that it is good to spend cash on celebrating
weddings
Use synonyms
 and
birthdays
Use synonyms
 because it contributes to keeping
traditions
Use synonyms
 in the community .
Birthdays
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 happen once in a lifetime
also
Linking Words
 sometimes
weddings
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 , it is the time when family and friends gather under one roof .Where they get to talk and make memories which will
also
Linking Words
 lead to keeping the
traditions
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last
Linking Words
 for generations yet to come . I agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument because ,If
people
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 stopped
weddings
Use synonyms
 and
birthdays
Use synonyms
 ,they would lose not only the chance for lifetime memories but
also
Linking Words
 their inherited
traditions
Use synonyms
 . In conclusion ,
Although
Linking Words
 celebrating
weddings
Use synonyms
 and
birthdays
Use synonyms
 costs
money
Use synonyms
 it is not worthless ,
people
Use synonyms
 get to communicate with each other and keep society's
traditions
Use synonyms
 alive.
Therefore
Linking Words
,celebrating is always a good thing when thinking about life in the long term .

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples or explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'however', and 'for example'.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on your opinion to give a well-rounded view.
task achievement
You effectively presented both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your main point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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