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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many healthy problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #people
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Nowadays, many
food
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 companies produce unhealthy products with high levels of harmful content which leads to many disorders. Some individuals strongly support the notion that the cost of these materials has to be increased remarkably eventually limiting their use . Admittedly, I completely agree that the increasing
price
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 of these kinds of products will lead to less consumption of them. The first and most compelling reason is that companies always think about the cons and pros of the product’s
price
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. If it is not cost-effective for them to add more expensive
sugar
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 to their vintage, they will restrict it and
consequently
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 replace it with some healthy contents. Based on a study which had been conducted in some
food
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 factories, they have used some cheaper organic materials as sweeter
instead
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 of
sugar
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 and scientists compared the rate of selling
this
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food
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 as compared to other sugary ones.
According to
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this
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 analysis, interestingly people tended to buy organic products more. Yet, another axiomatic argument is that poor families will purchase cheaper supplies and it is the fact that they do not care much about the contents.
Hence
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, several diseases
due to
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 bad diet have increased remarkably among those groups. The increase in
sugar
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 prices can automatically reduce the consumption of sweets in these categories.
On the other hand
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, many wealthy families pay more attention to these habits and as they look for the contents of
sugar
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 in a specific
food
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, irrespective of its
price
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, they know these foods are detrimental and do not buy as much as possible. In conclusion, I believe the idea of increasing the
price
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 of unhealthy raw materials, can lead to restriction of their usage.
Submitted by farzin_seyednejad on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and clearly focuses on the main points outlined in the introduction. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas, but do not overuse them.
task achievement
While your essay does address the question, it would benefit from a more thorough development of ideas with clear, detailed examples. Including specific instances or data where possible could significantly strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Public health
  • Taxation
  • Purchasing decisions
  • Education campaigns
  • Economic implications
  • Subsidizing
  • Healthier alternatives
  • Disproportionately
  • Low-income families
  • Personal responsibility
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