IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should be taught how to manage money at school. Others think that money management should be taught at home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Instructions: Support your ideas with examples where possible.

It is undeniable that in the present era, more and more individuals think
school
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in teaching
children
Use synonyms
 how to save their money.
However
Linking Words
, others argue
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
against this
show examples
 event and indicate parents should
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 their offspring to save cash. I assert home and
school
Use synonyms
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 are
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 and
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
 the experience
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will explore both arguments of money management, by supporting relevant examples and insights. On the one hand, no doubt
school
Use synonyms
 is a great administration to teach students how to manage their
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
. To illustrate more, millions of
children
Use synonyms
 do not have knowledge about
this
Linking Words
 event.
Hence
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, their
school
Use synonyms
 provide them
several
Change preposition
with several
show examples
 approaches to keep
moeny
Correct your spelling
money
 and offer their colleagues
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 class. A clear example, my little sister
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
 her
moeny
Correct your spelling
money
 every month to buy
laptop
Correct article usage
a laptop
show examples
 after a year
due to
Linking Words
 her
school
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the overcome of
this
Linking Words
 situation is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
grow economically.
On the other hand
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, there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
large
members
Correct quantifier usage
number of members
show examples
 of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and
concluded
Wrong verb form
conclude
show examples
 their views
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 parents should teach their
children
Use synonyms
 to manage their money because they need to
dependent
Add a missing verb
be dependent
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their personality.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study at the University of Nizwa
in2011
Correct your spelling
in 2011
 demonstrated that approximately 85% of
children
Use synonyms
 who had experience
how
Change preposition
with how
show examples
 to use cash in their lifestyles, had
creative
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
 in mathematics
Subject
Fix the agreement mistake
Subjects
show examples
 unlike those
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 did not have any
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
warwness
Correct your spelling
wariness
warmness
awareness
. As a sequence,
this
Linking Words
 way of learning will produce great generations in several fields of economy. In conclusion, I
an
Correct your spelling
am
show examples
 convinced that both
views points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 are essential for adults to accomplish strong personalities and raise their
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness in
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 aspect. In my opinion, I strongly agree each one complete other that means parents and
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 environment play
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role
to teach
Change preposition
in teaching
show examples
children
Use synonyms
with truly
Replace the word
in the true
show examples
 way. In fact, the government should encourage their residents and administrations to support
this
Linking Words
 category of people to learn in all
feilds
Correct your spelling
fields
 of life and open opportunities to explore
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
numerous subjects.

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coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples. This will help your points stick out more clearly.
task response
You have given your opinion clearly in the essay, which is good.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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