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Band 7.5

Full- time students should not spend a lot of time on studying, but the should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#full- #time #students #activities
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Recently, since many students often spend a high amount of their
time
 studying, it is believed that they should participate in other
activities
 and events
instead
 of studying for the whole
time
. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
 point of view. First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that learning for a long
time
 could be harmful for themselves. It is obvious that people should not stay too long at their table just to study, their body and their physical health will become so weak.
Also
 with their mental health, they will not have any motivation, if they do not join any
activities
. And absolutely becomes stressful. In many cases of suicide
Add a comma
,
show examples
the reason is being forced to study too much and being stressed was recorded
On the other hand
, the reason why I advocate those who believe students should participate in
activities
 is that there are many advantages to
this
. There is no denying that student will have more
time
 to rest and play, which means that their mental and physical health can be promoted. They will feel that studying is easy and not stressful.
Moreover
, they would have
time
 to explore and experience new things from the world outside,
this
 can even widen their knowledge about other fields, from that they can improve all their aspects.
For instance
, by joining a volunteer, you can experience new things on your own and receive new lessons from life. In conclusion, I totally agree that students should join more events and
activities
 to explore and find new,
instead
 of studying the whole
time
, which could be a dangerous potential for them.
Submitted by phamnhung275 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and is well-developed with supporting details.
task achievement
Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity. For example, 'And absolutely becomes stressful' could be 'This inevitably leads to high levels of stress.'
task achievement
Avoid using informal language like 'absolutely' in formal essays. Instead, use more academic language.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as mentioning volunteer work.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported and the argument is logical.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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