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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below show the types of music brought in the USA in 2010

The bar chart below show the types of music brought in the USA in 2010
The bar chart illustrates the types of music
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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divided
Add a missing verb
are divided
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to
Change preposition
into
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 four categories, namely,
Rock
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
pop
Capitalize word
Pop
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, Jazz, and Classical in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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during
Change preposition
in
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 2010 by different generations.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear
see
Verb problem
apply
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that there are dramatic changes in
graph
Add an article
the graph
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. Classical and
Pop
Use synonyms
 music are the most popular,
by contrast
Linking Words
,
Rock
Use synonyms
 was the least popular.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is evident that
Rock
Use synonyms
 and
Pop
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest number
sales
Change preposition
of sales
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in
Change preposition
for
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 16 to 22 years. After that, the rest type remarked the lowest figure approximately just between 4 to 5, and 2 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
witnesed
Correct your spelling
witnessed
 that there are close fractions in three types Known as Jazz,
Rock
Use synonyms
, and
Pop
Use synonyms
 which remained stable around 3 in 58+ age
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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 Compared to
Classical
Correct article usage
the Classical
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 type which observed
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 sharp increase
roughly
Change preposition
of roughly
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 half.
Further
Linking Words
analyze
Verb problem
analysis of
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 the diagram, there was
drop
Correct article usage
a drop
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just
Change preposition
of just
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 1.5
millions
Change to singular
million
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 who brought the
Rock
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle age.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words rock, pop with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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