IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree?

Whether or not individuals should continue working after reaching
retirement
Use synonyms
 age is a topic of growing debate. In my view, both perspectives have merit, and the choice should depend on the individual’s personal circumstances, priorities, and
overall
Linking Words
 well-being. One clear advantage of retiring is the opportunity to improve one’s health and quality of life. After decades of employment, taking time off allows people to rest and recover from years of physical and mental strain.
Retirement
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 gives people the freedom to explore hobbies and interests they may have previously neglected,
such
Linking Words
 as gardening, reading, or going to the cinema—activities that can enhance life satisfaction and personal fulfilment.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when older workers leave the labour market, new opportunities arise for younger generations, helping to reduce youth unemployment and bringing fresh perspectives into the workplace.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many people experience a sense of emptiness when they suddenly stop working. For those who have dedicated most of their lives to a job, it can be challenging to adjust to a new routine without a clear purpose.
Additionally
Linking Words
, not all countries offer strong pension systems, meaning that some retirees may face financial difficulties.
This
Linking Words
 can limit their ability to enjoy leisure activities,
such
Linking Words
 as dining out or travelling.
As a result
Linking Words
, many individuals prefer a gradual or flexible
retirement
Use synonyms
, allowing them to stay active, maintain an income, and better prepare for full
retirement
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
retirement
Use synonyms
 brings many benefits, continuing to work can
also
Linking Words
 be a valuable choice depending on one’s financial situation, personal goals, and health. There is no universal answer, and each individual should make the decision based on a careful evaluation of their own needs and preferences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to explain your ideas a bit more to clearly show your understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Try to link your ideas more closely with transition words to improve flow.
overall
The introduction clearly presents the topic and acknowledges both sides.
overall
You provided good examples for both perspectives, showing you understand the topic well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
What to do next:
Look at other essays: